The news can sound like a bar full of drunk strangers all loudly trying to tell you about the worst thing that ever happened to them. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

DISNEY HAS CAST YOUNG HAN SOLO. Alden Ehrenreich is reportedly in final negotiations to play the galactic smuggler, having beat out over 500 other act

A MAN WAS ARRESTED FOR SPRAYING A MIXTURE OF WATER, HAND SANITIZER, AND MOUSE POISON ONTO PRODUCE AT THREE GROCERY STORES (and possibly a dozen more)

A STUDY PUBLISHED IN THE JOURNAL OF THE AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION REVEALED THAT DOCTORS PRESCRIBE ANTIBIOTICS INAPPROPRIATELY UP TO 30% OF THE TIME

CASTAL MEREA CAPTAIN AMERICA brought in over $180 million domestically, the fifth-highest opening weekend ever in the US. With overseas ticket sales,

Source: Deadline

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (5/10)

The Stonewall Inn in NYC may become THE FIRST NATIONAL MONUMENT FOR GAY RIGHTS. President Obama is expected to approve the proposal, recognizing LGBT

An autonomous vehicle expert has warned that self-driving cars could lead to more ROAD SEX. As Canadian officials are composing legislation to regulat

Source: CBC

Justin Lin, best known for his work on The Fast And The Furious franchise, is expected to write and direct SPACE mouad the -awaited sequel starring LE

Joey Cramer, best known for the lead role in FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR was arrested for BANK ROBBERY. The former child star allegedly donned a disguise

Source: The Wrap

CLOTHING RETAILER AEROPOSTALE IS CLOSING 154 OF ITS 800+ STORES AND FILING FOR BANKRUPTCY, RANKIRRULBL AFTER A LENGTHY DECLINE IN SALES THAT IS ATTRIB

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (5/10)

Source: CNN

FOLLOWING HUGE LOSSES IN IINDIANA'S <REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARY, TED CRUZ AND JOHN KASICH BOTH WITHDREW FROM THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE. Leaving DONAL

Source: CNN, CNN

<- PREVIOUS WEEK

Deep inside us all -- behind our political leanings, our moral codes, and our private biases -- there is a cause so colossally stupid that we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it's toilet paper position, fedoras on men, or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can't help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim, and comedian Annie Lederman to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!

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