Watching the news can make you feel like your brain just worked a long shift at a diaper-cleaning service. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (4/26)

AN ALLEGED RAPE CASE WAS SOLVED BY A FITBIT. Jeannine Risley filed a police report last year, stating she was pulled from her bed, beaten, and sexuall

Source: Penn Live

THREE GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES HAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH CRIMINAL OFFENSES RELATING TO THE WATER CRISIS IN FLINT, MICHIGAN. MIKE GLASGOW, WATER PLANT a forme

Source: CNN

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (4/26)

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (4/26)

Source: Utah.gov, TIME

BrI FIRED ANALYST CURT SCHILLING AFTER A TRANSPHOBIC FACEBOOK POST. The former World Series MVP shared an anti-transgender meme, on which he reportedl

A Colorado school district spent over $12,000 on 10 EMI-AUTOMATIC RIFLES. The weapons will be made available to the district's security forces in the

Source: ABC15

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (4/26)

CHINA HAS ANNOUNCED THAT IT PLANS TO LAND A ROVER ON MARS BY 2020.

Source: ABC15

HARRIET TUBMAN WILL REPLACE ANDREW JACKSON ON THE $20 BILL. The abolitionist will be the first African-American to be depicted on US currency and the

NEW YORK PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARY RESULTS: DEMOCRATS HILLARY CLINTON won by just over 290.000 votes, despite losing a majority of counties, and picked up

Source: CNN, CNN

SUICIDE RATES HAVE REACHED A 30-YEAR HIGH. Deaths by suicide in the US increased to 13 per 100,000 people in 2014, the highest rate since 1986. A stud

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (4/26)

Source: NOAA.gov

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Deep inside us all behind our political leanings, our moral codes and our private biases, there is a cause so colossally stupid, we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it's toilet paper position, fedoras on men or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can't help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim and special guests to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!

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