After Blackfish -- a documentary about how SeaWorld is just the worst thing ever -- came out, attendance at the parks plummeted. So SeaWorld decided if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Literally.

In recent years, one of PETA's most vocal activists against SeaWorld was actually an undercover park employee. While most animal rights activists are fine with just protesting or making people sit down and watch sad documentaries because it is important, dammit, Thomas Jones was more of the pitchforks-and-torches variety. Like, he actually said people should get pitchforks and torches and "take down SeaWorld." He also told his followers on Twitter to "get a little aggressive" and to drain the tanks at a new park they were building.

Since PETA didn't want to be connected with a guy who was telling people to commit arson (hey, even PETA has standards), they looked into his social media background and figured out he was really Paul McComb, a SeaWorld employee since 2010. And they had leads that other aggressive "activists" may have been plants as well.

SeaWorld strenuously denied that they were using this guy for some sort of corporate espionage in order to make the people protesting them look bad and make themselves look better by comparison. However, it is weird that McComb was mysteriously the only SeaWorld protester who wasn't arrested during the 2014 Rose Bowl, almost like he had some connections.

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But don't worry; SeaWorld has hired lawyers to look into the issue, because if they did ask McComb to infiltrate PETA it wasn't consistent with "the values of the SeaWorld organiz-" wait, what's that? SeaWorld totally owned up to their hidden army of saboteurs in February? Whale, shit.

Look, if you shop at Whole Foods, you probably know what you're getting into, because what you're getting into is a three-digit grocery bill for a single person's week of food.

But some stores took advantage of the fact that people were willing to shell out their "Whole Paycheck" for an organic "seeduction" bread loaf, and other pre-weighed food. It turned out that if you bought something Whole Foods claimed weighed, say, a pound, it might have weighed significantly less, and you could have been charged as much as $15 more than you should have been for your artisanal pre-poop.

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After the scandal broke, sales plummeted. Sure, hipsters might be willing to pay $6 for asparagus water -- sorry, broth -- but don't you dare take them for fools or they will abandon you in droves. The CEO knew he needed to come up with a way to bring the cool kids back to his stores, so he promised to add something everyone needs when they are just popping out to grab a gallon of milk: tattoo parlors.

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That's right: Tattoo artists will be wiping blood off people a few feet from the produce section. But it's not just bad life decisions you can pick up with your free-range eggs. They plan on having other kinds of vendors, from beauty products to record shops, turning Whole Foods into a kind of general store for painfully quirky millennials.

See, you've already forgotten about the whole overcharging thing!

With the rise of online review sites like Yelp, any disappointed customer can fulfill their dream of being a restaurant critic or travel connoisseur. And one hotel in upstate New York was so afraid of how this could affect their business that they promised to charge an extra $500 for "every negative review of [Union Street Guest House] placed on any Internet site by anyone in your party and/or attending your wedding or event."

So basically, a bride and groom could plan their special day on a tight budget, but get it in just under the wire, and then a couple of their guests could, totally unbeknownst to them, leave bad reviews somewhere online, and they could find themselves out thousands of dollars.

But, according to the hotel, that would be their fault. You see, no bad reviews could be down to negative service or anything like that. No, sometimes guests "may not understand what we offer," and it is the paying party's responsibility to "explain it to them." If that isn't code for, "Make sure everyone knows why you are throwing your wedding in a flophouse," we don't know what is.

Union Street Guest House

After news of the policy hit social media, the owners tried to claim it was a joke that should have been taken down years ago and was never enforced. But at least one Yelp reviewer said that the hotel had threatened him more than once about a negative review.

Look, we know the customer isn't always right. But that is the lie we've all agreed to live with, not some Mafia-style shakedown if someone didn't think their bed was firm enough.

Union Street Guest House

Back in September we learned that Volkswagen had taken another step in bringing on the robot apocalypse and taught its cars to cheat at emissions tests. That meant that they would pass all the U.S. tests and seem environmentally friendly, but as soon as the test was over they went back to killing baby polar bears.

When VW got caught, they immediately fixed the cars and issued a profuse apology. Ha, no. Half a million Americans are still stuck with cars that won't pass their next emissions test. And a lot of those people spent an extra $5,000 on the diesel engine specifically because they wanted to help the environment.

So Volkswagen decided to put as much thought into fixing the problem as an emotionally distant rich grandfather would for your birthday present: They sent each car owner a $500 gift card. If that isn't enough, they are also offering free roadside assistance for three years, so maybe the affected parties could arrange to break down all at the same time as payback.