"If you're an introvert, you spend so much of your time wishing that other people would just shut the hell up that you figure you're doing everyone a favor. But for many people, you'd be better off telling them to fuck off, because at least then you're acknowledging that they matter."
"Contrary to Mr. Trump's understanding, the parental justification behind our move was less "take their jobs, then poison their water supplies" and more "our village just had like 10 beheadings, and I would rather my kids not grow up in a drug-cartel-run environment."
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"Also, contrary to what a lot of angry people seem to believe, undocumented immigrants are ineligible to collect government assistance."