Venom is created when an alien flies down to earth and happens to land right next to Peter. Of all the places, he lands right next to him and gets on his little scooter. Then, after infecting Peter, he is cast off in a church that Peter's co-worker happens to be inside and gets infected. Sandman, in a completely unrelated story, gets turned into a dust monster from some bullshit science test and happens to also have a connection to Peter from years earlier.
The superhero and fantasy genres keep goddamn doing this. April O'Neil in the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie owned the four turtles as pets when she was a little girl.
Which makes Michelangelo wanting to bang her even creepier.
As we mentioned earlier, Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi knew Greedo, Boba Fett, and Jabba the Hutt years before they would come back in the series in totally unrelated situations. The new James Bond film, Spectre, includes a plot twist (RECENT SPOILER ALERT) wherein the big bad guy is holding a grudge against Bond for the heinous crime of getting adopted by the bad guy's father when they were both children. Seriously, what are the odds?
"Before you die, know that my mother was the teacher who failed you in eighth-grade Algebra."
The Villains And Heroes Gain Power At The Same Time
In Ghostbusters, Dan Aykroyd and friends happen to form their titular ghostbusting group at the exact same time that Gozer the Gozerian gains enough power to cross over into our realm and attempt a hostile takeover. Had he scheduled his Armageddon plans a year earlier, he'd be ruling the world right now.
Voldemort just so happened to start growing on the back of Professor Quirrell's head and trying to get the Sorcerer's Stone the exact same year Harry Potter enrolled at Hogwarts. He would then magically rematerialize at the end of all but one school year. If he had set his plan into motion over summer break, Harry would've never made it out of the Dursley's closet.
"Why didn't I come come back in Julyyyarrrggh!"
But our worst offender is, once again, Lord Of The Rings. As noted in the prologue, the Ring of Power is lost for 2,500 years before it is found by Gollum. Then Bilbo gets it, and decades later puts it on at a party in front of Gandalf. Gandalf confronts him and learns that it is the One Ring and needs to be destroyed, right as the bad guys show up to steal it, having recently tortured its location out of a captive Gollum, whom they then inexplicably set free to inadvertently help save the world two films later.
New Line Cinema
Also bullshit: A chronic weed smoker keeping quiet for that long about some random thing he found.
These two events are completely unconnected. After over 3,000 years, both sides of this war just so happened to learn where the ring was at the exact same time. Had either side learned of the One Ring's whereabouts a week apart from each other, The Lord Of The Rings would've been a short story in a single issue of The New Yorker.
By sheer chance, Isaac is on Twitter and Instagram @NotFunnyIsaac.
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