The film was going to feature Elektra battling against the endless ninjas of The Hand, and would have probably been amazing, but the rights to the character were sold to 20th Century Fox before it was finished. Why the new studio decided to make four hours of sweaty garbage instead of Oliver Stone's Every Goddamn Thing Is Ninjas is a mystery we may never solve.
20th Century Fox
Unless ... shit, did Elektra kill JFK?
We Almost Had A Terrible, Terrible Sandman Movie
Neil Gaiman is a geek god with an eclectic body of work, but he's best known for his Sandman series. It's one of the most popular non-superhero graphic novels of all time. It follows Morpheus, the King of Dreams, on his adventures across all of time, space, and dreams. It's deeper and more emotional than your average comic book, but you'd never know it from the film adaptation they almost made.
At first, the movie was in good shape. It was scripted by Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio (they wrote Aladdin and the Pirates Of The Caribbean movies), who distilled 70 issues of comic saga into a single two-hour movie. It sounds a bit impossible, but Gaiman was reportedly happy with it.
Jemal Countess/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
This is Gaiman's happy face.
Then along came Jon Peters.
You might remember Jon Peters from our last article about Crazy-Ass Superhero movies. He's the hairdresser turned self-proclaimed street fight champion turned movie executive who wanted Superman to fight a gigantic spider. Among several other things wrong with him, he had a weird obsession with giant spiders. He eventually got his giant spider wish in Wild Wild West, but Sandman was in production before Wild Wild West. You might see where this is going.
"You get what anybody gets. You get a shit-ton of giant spiders."
Peters hired a screenwriter to tweak the script. Most importantly, he made sure the King of All Dreams had a fist fight with a big-ass spider. As he put it, probably to anyone who listened to him talk for longer than a second, "Did you know spiders are the fiercest creatures in the animal kingdom!?"
After they were done spider-fucking it, Gaiman called it not only an awful Sandman script, "but quite easily the worst script I've ever read." And, thankfully, he stopped production before it could go any further.
Giant spider historians had to settle on this.
Tara Marie really, really, really likes superheroes. You can email her about them at email@example.com.
Man, clearly Hollywood has no balls, because it turns out there's a lot of crazy shit that we almost had. See what we mean in 3 Insane Spider-Man Movies You Won't Believe Almost Got Made and 5 Superhero Movies You Won't Believe Almost Got Made.
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