10 Cracked Posts Everyone Went Nuts Over Last Week - 12/20
If we just kept writing about 'Star Wars,' would you just keep gobbling that up? Yeah, probably...
We present a collection of Monday brain-melters.
"Time spans by themselves may seem pretty mundane -- but when placed side by side, you really start see the grand (or not so grand) progress our little planet has made."
Star Wars wasn't the film George Lucas set out to make. He couldn't buy the rights to what he wanted to bring to the big screen so he just decided to write his own version. That's all it was.
"The rough draft of Star Wars was an incoherent rambling mess, borrowing entire scenes from other movies."
Yet science cannot assuage snack disappointment.
"Between explaining actions and reactions and helping to give us 'Breaking Bad,' science is also pretty useful for telling us all about the little things in life that really bug the shit out of us."
By 1991, Freddie Mercury was in the final stages of AIDS. With the help of only some vodka for his pain, Mercury turned in one of the most memorable vocals of his career in just one take.
"A brave 'fuck you' to death from a dying man who never sounded more alive."
Australia! Is there anything kick ass it can't do?
"We like to give our hard-earned cash money to Hollywood for the pleasure of seeing superpowered sexpots saving the world over and over again. But, as it turns out, we can see normal-powered sexpots pulling off heroic deeds every day if we just turn on the news."
And looks who's got the best suits on television now, apartheid mfers!
"We like to look down our noses at famous people for their luxurious, exorbitant lifestyles -- believing that all that overindulgence somehow discredits them as contributing members of society. Well, you know, not all those folks are really deserving of such harsh judgements."
Straight from Carrie Fisher, ladies and gentlemen.
"Every film has its share of nutty behind-the-scenes stories. But when you have a series as grand as the Star Wars saga, the crazy story factor gets dialed up to 11."
Kissing under mistletoe most likely goes back to the pagan belief that the white, sticky goo from the berries was the semen of the gods, because nothing says first kiss quite like a money shot from the divine.
"Christmas was not, as it turns out, miraculously handed down as a fully formed holiday, complete with wrapped gifts and blinking lights. Rather, it is a rich tapestry woven from countless inexplicable and pointless customs."
Every single word that comes out of Obi-Wan's mouth in the first Star Wars movie is a bold-faced lie meant to manipulate a naive farm boy into killing his own dad.
"The light side of the Force resists change and progress on all fronts, while the dark side not only accepts change but embraces it. It's constantly trying to improve. Those are good instincts! We should be encouraging them, not suppressing them!"
More like Lame-o Excuse Man - right?
"The dynamic duo behind the website Texts From Superheroes is back with another look into the personal conversations of your favorite pretend protectors."