So while these two might like to spend their day Instagramming themselves (#WallFall #LembasBread #Paddle?), the town in which the statue was erected wasn't so eager to welcome a pair of narcissistic millennial halflings into their midst. Fortunately, the locals gave the sculptors so much grief that it was taken down just one day after it was unveiled.
Cristiano Ronaldo's Giant Dong
The average American can name only three soccer players off the top of their head: David Beckham, Pele, and Cristiano Ronaldo (and they might conflate him with that other guy who goes by only Ronaldo). Given that Portugal hasn't produced many celebrities since the Age of Exploration, it makes sense that Cristiano Ronaldo's hometown wanted to honor him with his own statue.
What doesn't make sense is why they gave his statue a huge dick.
EPA via Daily Mail
Or why he gave himself a teabag.
Ronaldo is not one to look a gift horse c**k in the mouth and graciously stated that the unveiling was a very special moment for him, remaining otherwise unfazed by his bronze self sporting a rubbery one. It will also be a very special moment for every parent that has to explain to their child what that runaway stoat is doing in their hometown hero's shorts. ("Sigh -- here, just watch this. It's an American movie called Labyrinth.")
When he's not having himself bronzed, Chris writes for his website and tweets.
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