It's become such a problem that people have taken to fortifying their cars with tarps and chicken wire to discourage the junkie vandals. People have even been known to leave bowls of antifreeze nearby as a more easily accessible option, like some sort of wildlife methadone program.

National Park Service / Jennifer Swacina

Marmots have even been known to accidentally hitch a ride and end up being taken out of their specific habitat, outside of which they can't survive. And there's nothing sadder than a homeless Marmot in a strange town, sitting at the corner of the off-ramp, his tiny paws resting on a sign reading "Y lie? Need money 4 antifreeze."

This probably isn't pleasant for the pufferfish, but the dolphins don't kill it -- instead, they pass it around like a joint, sucking on the unfortunate critter just long enough to feel its effects before giving it over to the next aquatic stoner. When all the dolphins are blitzed out of their minds, they simply let the fish go free while they float about in the ocean, much like you float about on that beanbag in the basement. We're all, like, one species, man.

BBC One

This is especially prevalent after Halloween, when some households take a little too long to deal with all the carved pumpkins lying around, which makes somewhere around Nov. 17 the squirrel equivalent of St. Patrick's Day.

gorskijohn

In July 2015, staff of an English private club came to work to find the place ransacked and the floor drenched in a lake of beer. Initially assuming they had been robbed, they eventually discovered the culprit still inside the building -- an extremely intoxicated squirrel who had managed to turn on the beer taps and proceeded to party like a squirrel in a beer lake.

Shadi Petosky

The bears of the region have become accustomed to huffing fumes from the barrels until they get higher than Sputnik, finishing their binge by digging a ditch in the snow and passing out. And they've become so addicted that, according to witnesses, they will gather to ambush landing helicopters and other aircraft, lured by the gasoline like the most hilarious Mad Max sequel possible.

Alexey Matveev

Wildlife photographer Igor Shpilenok documented the perpetually stoned bears for seven months, watching as they not only congregated to get high on fuel barrels but obsessively sniffed the ground under landing helicopters for the lingering scent of dripping fuel, like a desperate alcoholic slurping whiskey residue out of an ashtray.

Igor Shpilenok

Naturally, this is Russia, so we're not exactly surprised that animals are finding a way to get as drunk as their human compatriots. In fact, in Ukraine, there are even programs designed to detox alcoholic bears. And now, if you'll excuse us, we have to buy a plane ticket and fulfill a lifelong dream of getting hammered with a bear.

Igor Shpilenok

Javier can be reached at javieryepescracked@gmail.com. Laura H's patronus is a raccoon wielding a machine gun. Follow her on Twitter.

Interested in more ways animals party? Like how they're actually pretty bad singers or how elephants are angry drunks. Learn more in 5 Eerily Familiar Things Animals Do When They're Drunk and 7 Species That Get High More Than We Do.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 5 Animals Who Can't Hide Their Disdain For People, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!

Also, follow us on Facebook. Or don't. It's whatevsies.