So you start playing the game to find out what Sonic is all about. And what Sonic is about turns out to be ... frolicking in the grass with fancily dressed girls?
The default Windows XP wallpaper is the perfect place for tender bestiality.
Rather than sticking to the simple robot-busting formula of its namesake, this version is full of what one reviewer kindly described as "convoluted manimal melodrama." You play as Sonic and every other pointless furry friend he's ever had as they travel to Soleanna, a Venice-like magical kingdom confusingly inhabited by contemporary-looking humans. Among them is Princess Elise (voiced by the star of Christian Mingle: The Movie), a princess who has a time-travel science demon trapped inside her tears. You must move back and forth in time to save Elise, prevent the apocalypse, and hopefully stop by the meeting where this plot was decided and check if anyone is having a stroke.
Even the virtual children inhabiting the game hate what Sonic has become.