So, the publisher decided that, instead of pictures, they'd just include a box with instructions on where to find a copy of the particular image on the Internet; as if young college students needed any more practice hunting for uncensored images online. We say they should have gone for the more practical solution and filled the blank spaces with quick MS Paint re-creations of each painting, or perhaps a short written description.

Global Visual and Material Culture: Prehistory to 1800
"It's some lady smiling, but her smile is, like, super mysterious.
And there's a hidden UFO, my friend says."

The students of Ontario were not happy about Global Visual And Material Culture: Prehistory To 1800 and started a petition demanding their money back, because nobody likes spending 180 maple wendigo doubloons (that's what their currency is called, right?) on a graded scavenger hunt.

The Canadian education system: keeping the USA off the bottom since 1867.

Biology 1099, a textbook handed out to thousands of kids through the Accelerated Christian Education program, asserts that "scientists" are more and more convinced that dinosaurs still exist. The evidence? We've got it right here; check it out:

Robert Kenneth Wilson/Daily Mail
Way more realistic than the CG in some parts of Jurassic World.

Yes, the Loch Ness Monster, an admitted hoax perpetrated by the Daily Mail, is the ultimate proof that dinosaurs are still around, and therefore evolution must be a dirty lie. "Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur," they write, despite Nessie in fact always appearing to be a black blob. According to the textbook, 4,000 years ago when Noah was riding waves on the waters of the Great Flood, some primitive monsters survived. Oh, that's right: Nessie isn't alone. The textbook also cites the case of a Japanese fishing vessel coming across "the decomposing body of a dinosaur-like sea creature" -- meaning that presumably there's a whole bunch of dinosaurs out there, hiding from us because they don't want to go back to being used as dishwashers and vacuum cleaners like in these historical documents.

Accelerated Christian Education
Evidence indicates that the creature could "fire atom blasts from its mouth" and was "friend to all children."

It gets even ballsier from there. They say there is zero, zilch, blot scientific evidence for evolution, that no transitional fossils will ever be discovered, and that any similarities between animals are merely because God only had a limited amount of LEGO. Oddly enough, after the Loch Ness section first gained the Internet's attention a couple of years ago, new printings of the textbook appear to have omitted that specific example. Hopefully someone's alerted them about this mistake; we don't want kids to be reading incorrect information, after all.

For the science-minded kids out there, one of the most inspiring parts of school is learning about all the important scientific thinkers in history. Einstein. Newton. Edison. Frankenstein. What's that, you uneducated fiend? You didn't know Frankenstein and his monster actually existed, as opposed to being something that a writer called Mary Shelley came up with while high on opium? Then you didn't have the fortune of having Fearon's Biology as your textbook in school.

Marvel Studios, Universal Pictures,The Jim Henson Company
We can't wait to learn about Doctors Stark, Brown, and Honeydew in the updated edition.

The book, which was adopted by the Texas State Board Of Education as recently as 1997, is filled with all the typical biological facts, such as life on Earth beginning with "tiny green specks." Unlike its banal colleagues, though, Fearon's Biology includes the exciting tale of the illustrious Dr. Frankenstein, a biologist who "pieced together the parts of dead bodies" to create a monster who eventually killed him (they neglect to mention the monster's wife or his association with Abbott and Costello, though). The authors just casually present the fictional tale as historical fact, as if they accidentally included part of their own strange scientific fan-fiction. Frankenstein is included as Darwin or Pasteur might be, as an entirely serious scientist, who just happened to be killed by an 8-foot-tall remixed corpse.

Fearon/Janus/Quercus
Another section describes the majestic mating ritual of these giraffes.

Unfortunately for students, this isn't the only inane textbook Fearon has published. Fearon's Global Studies may as well be a work on the properties of spheres, because it certainly isn't a geography textbook, as it claims to be. It doesn't distinguish between Australia and Asia, concluding that despite what every world map (and the people who've actually been there) will tell you, the land down under is in fact a part of the same continent as China. Even geographical academics will learn something new from Fearon -- namely that the most basic and common knowledge in their field is completely wrong.

The book also fulfills Fearon's obligatory quota of irrelevant tales by including an account of Mohammed meeting with the angel Gabriel as historical fact. In their geography textbook. Uh, guys, we think this Fearon person you're quoting might be drunk and making shit up.

The Five Thousand Year Leap, on the other hand, asserts that the mighty USA has made more progress in 200 years than the rest of the world combined has made in 5,000 (which is hard to argue with if you've ever tasted a McRib). Beck called the book wise and divinely inspired -- which is appropriate, because Skousen wrote that America itself was the product of divine inspiration. God practically penned the Declaration Of Independence and the U.S. Constitution himself, probably throwing in that bit about freedom of religion just to look humble.

Apparently, Skousen got his thoughts about that hokey "separation of church and state" from the same period he got his views on race ... and yet his books are still being used to teach children and even topped Amazon's rankings at one point thanks to Beck's endorsement. That's right, Beck tricked his fans into doing homework. Twisted shit.

The statistics of unemployment were exaggerated, as were the rumors of foreclosures, mass evictions, and hunger riots. All those people starving? Crisis actors, probably. The "best-known work of propaganda," though, was that shameless pinko pamphlet called The Grapes Of Wrath (which gave its author a Pulitzer and a Nobel, no doubt arranged by reptilians). It worked, and now socialist brainwashing techniques are used to indoctrinate children all around the country into the ideology that this textbook hates: what actually happened in history.