The news is like an episode of Game Of Thrones, only more people die and the characters' decisions somehow make even less sense. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

A SOUTH AFRICAN PAROLE BOARD WILL RECOMMEND THAT OSCAR PISTORIUS BE RELEASED ON PAROLE AFTER SERVING JUST 10 MONTHS OF HIS 5-YEAR SENTENCE FOR KILLING

Source: CNN

WAITING FOR GEORGE R.R. MARTIN TO FINISH THE NEXT BOOK IN HIS A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE SERIES? DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH. In a recent blog post, Martin rev

jIY SK Apple will finally jump into the streaming music market with their own Apple Music service. Founder Steve Jobs refused to believe that music su

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (6/16)

WHAT is the In a June 8th radio interview, the comic DEAL with said the world had Jerry Seinfeld? gotten too politically correct and that it was hurti

Source: Uproxx

ABORTION RATES IN THE U.S. HAVE DROPPED BY 12% SINCE 2010. The biggest reductions were seen in states that did not restrict access to abortion clinics

Source: Newsweek

Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc. has announced an expansion of benefits, including paid vacation time, sick pay, and tuition reimbursement, for ALL of thei

Source: ABC News

JON BERNTHAL, FROM THE WALKING DEAD, WILL JOIN MARVEL'S DAREDEVIL ON NETFLIX AS FRANK CASTLE, AKA THE PUNISHER. JASON STATHAM was rumored to be joinin

Zimbabwe's currency has more in common ESEIRETE with Monopoly 4112742e toou money than just the color scheme. O0C -- GXOBo They're abandoning DOULARI

Source: Yahoo News

Officials reported that a power outage affecting 5.000 customers in the San Francisco Bay area was caused by a squirrel. Yeah. A squirrel. Let's go

Source: Reuters

Proving yet again that Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequences... An elementary teacher in Texas complained on Facebook that the

Source: Yahoo News

A GEORGIA WOMAN WAS CHARGED WITH MURDER FOR TAKING ABORTION PILLS TO TERMINATE HER PREGNANCY. 69 69 A social worker contacted 66 66 the police after l

Source: ABC News

A recent study found that 50 hospitals in the US were charging uninsured patients more than 10 times the actual cost of patient care. Officials repres

Source: Washington Post

Note: A previous edition of the Seinfeld story implied he was boycotting colleges due to their being too "PC", but that appears to be a misinterpretation of what was said. The graphic has been revised to reflect that.

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