The news is like an episode of Game Of Thrones, only more people die and the characters' decisions somehow make even less sense. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):
Source: ABC News
Source: Washington Post
Note: A previous edition of the Seinfeld story implied he was boycotting colleges due to their being too "PC", but that appears to be a misinterpretation of what was said. The graphic has been revised to reflect that.
You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.
Being at the top of your game can really drag you down.
Sometimes our big, dumb brains are just flat-out wrong.