The news is like an episode of Game Of Thrones, only more people die and the characters' decisions somehow make even less sense. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):
Source: ABC News
Source: Washington Post
Note: A previous edition of the Seinfeld story implied he was boycotting colleges due to their being too "PC", but that appears to be a misinterpretation of what was said. The graphic has been revised to reflect that.
Bawitdaba, pass the green beans.
It's hard out there for millionaire purveyors of garbage pizza.