The Witcher -- Collect Tacky Cards To Remember Your One-Night Stands
The Witcher 3 will go down as one of the greatest games that lets you have incredibly uncomfortable-looking sex on a wooden unicorn ever made. But while the latest incarnation and its predecessor have zero qualms about showing nudity on-screen, the original took an alternate approach to titillation.
There are over 20 sexual encounters in The Witcher, and in every one the camera discreetly pans away from the action while the sound of a voice actress half-heartedly pretending to enjoy sex plays. But don't despair, horny gamer! When the deed is done you're rewarded with a "romance card" emblazoned with a saucy image of the girl you were just with.
Atari Or a nightmare-inducing image.
You can look at the cards whenever you want to remind yourself of the magical evening you had with memorable characters like Nurses, Half-Elf Woman, and Town Hall Clerk. It creates an insulting "Gotta Catch, Fuck, And Then Ignore 'Em All" attitude toward the game's women, because what chance does monogamy have in the face of a video game collectible?
Atari This town has a very unusual form of bureaucracy.
To further embarrass fans into wondering if maybe they should have gone to their friend's party instead, you get to get it on with mystical creatures like a Wood Nymph and have a foursome with vampires, and not the sexy kind.
Atari They're the nightmarish, gravity-defying kind.