The 10 Cracked Posts Everyone Was Talking About 5/24 Edition
This week we saw revenge, deceit, imbalance, sociopathy - and the everlasting, heartwarming goodness of a WWE legend.
The mob killed Buford Pusser's wife. So he drove his car straight into their illegal casino and then started hunting them down like turkeys.
" Now, nobody is officially copping to the illegal vigilante kills that followed, but strangely enough, nearly all of the suspects in the murder of Pusser's wife were found shot dead. Only one suspect survived, and that's because he voluntarily went to jail as soon as he heard Pusser was in town."
The funny keeps the Hellhounds off your trail, but it doesn't shake them.
"You ever have that funny friend, the class-clown type, who one day just stopped being funny around you? Did it make you think they were depressed? Because it's far more likely that, in reality, that was the first time they were comfortable enough around you to drop the act."
Throw a bunch of paper clips on a piece of paper and you'll wind up with pi. Because, sorcery.
"The exercise is so accurate that it's one of the methods supercomputers use to calculate pi to the billions of decimal places, which is a surprise, considering we really thought supercomputers would do actual math instead of throwing virtual office supplies all over the place."
Beatrix Potter killed a frog, had a gamekeeper shoot a squirrel out of the trees, and chloroformed the real life Peter Rabbit, all so she could dissect them for fun.
"Potter's characters were all real -- it's just that their life was much more Hellraiser than Tiny Toon Adventures."
This is the part that seems to be the hardest for others to understand, because the easy answer is "Well, no shit, I sacrifice hobbies, sleep, and even time with my family for my career. If I can do it, you can do it, too, Poor Person!"
"Regardless of what the extremists say, getting government assistance is not like finding buried treasure -- it's like digging coins out of the bottom of a sewer."
Left handers are not the only ones in their "right brain" as the myth about lateralization goes, and we're basically more f@cked on top of it.
"Here's a fun fact that you can share on your next socially awkward date: Although left-handed people make up only 10 percent of the population as a whole, they compose a full 20 percent of schizophrenics."
Ignore this man.
"For starters, Wakefield's own scientist couldn't duplicate Wakefield's results."
When some white kid on Facebook starts asking why there isn't a White History Month, it's because, in his lifetime, he's seen that minorities and other marginalized groups have made greater gains relative to his own, without realizing they're still not on his level. He's only seen the part of the game in which these groups have scored the last five touchdowns, but is missing the fact that the score was 64-0 when that streak started.
"The big flaw in humanity is that we always cling to short-term comfort over long-term prosperity (because we see ourselves as individuals, instead of part of a whole), and certain classes of people were benefiting from doing things the old way, even if humanity as a whole was not."
Enter The Ass Kicking.
"After Lee's arm healed and he went back to reshoot the scene, rumors started going around the set that he was planning to kill [Robert] Wall for real. Clearly, he wasn't; he simply wanted to cripple him."
WWE superstar John Cena crushes all other celebrities when it comes to fulfilling Make A Wish requests. He's determined to break 1,000. One included having a tea party with 7-year old Chloe.
"At the time of this writing, Cena's wish count is a nearly inconceivable 460. To put that in perspective, only five other celebrities have granted more than 200 wishes: Hulk Hogan, Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Michael Jordan, and the Justin Bieber Apology Tour. "