5 Sets Of Ancient Remains That Have Baffled The Experts

The evidence makes it clear they weren't buried together -- they were moved from different locations and placed together on purpose. This form of burial is called "deviant burial," and was most likely done to people who were considered a threat to society, such as rapists, murderers, victims of murderers (which seems a bit unfair), and people who died from unexplained diseases. Why? Well, these were the folks that were considered most likely to go undead on the living community's ass, and as such, they received a mouthful of rock so their reanimated revenant remains could not bite its way through the burial shrouds.

Speaking of biting: A few centuries down the line, revenants started falling out of fashion. Enter the vampire, and with it -- you guessed it -- people who goddamn staked each other in the heart, hopefully post-mortem:

Natural History Museum/HO/EPA
Well, hopefully the staker wasn't post-mortem. You never know.

That's a dig from Bulgaria, believed to be the grave of a vampire. The remains are those of a male in his mid-40s, staked through the heart with a metal spike. His left leg has also been amputated and placed beside him in the grave, presumably because Dracula is considerably less scary when he comes after you hopscotch style.

And that dude got it light. The body of another "vampire" was straight-up decapitated, and his severed head was placed between his legs, thus condemning him to an eternity of teabagging himself.

Andrzej Grygiel/EPA via theguardian.com
"Dude, I know you beat me in Halo, but this is just overkill."

Wait a second; Sweden is not particularly well known for its volcanoes. So what could have caused such a perfectly preserved historic panorama?

Us, that's what. Well, our Scandinavian ancestors, anyway. In fact, the whole thing is not so much an aftermath to a natural disaster as it is an ancient crime scene of such grittiness that the residents of the area were afraid to set foot in the place for ages after the incident.

Kalmar County Museum
As opposed to today, where it looks like a wonderland of whimsey.

From the evidence gathered, the residents of the fort-town were taken entirely by surprise, and barely had time to blink before they were struck down where they stood. Some were found at the doorway of their hut, trying in vain to make a hasty escape. An older man was cut down in the middle of a hall. An adult and a small child were ruthlessly killed and their bodies fell/were tossed into a burning fireplace.

Photo by Daniel Lindskog
The second-most terrifying story about fireplaces, after "Baby, It's Cold Outside."

Now, the peculiar thing about the find is this: Not only were the denizens of the fort-town surprised to the point of barely having time to react, but the archeologists have found several valuable artifacts (jewelry boxes, beads, intricate gilded brooches, etc.) that seem to indicate the people of the fort were either wealthy as hell, or specialized in making jewelry.

Why would someone organize a super-efficient raid in a fortified town and not take all the treasure? Was the town hiding an even larger treasure, and the raiders couldn't be bothered to carry all of it away? And if Sandby fort was carrying the era's equivalent of Smaug's hoard, what in the everlasting shit could have kept all the inevitable thieves and scavengers from cleaning the place from valuables after the dust had settled?

Max Jahrehorn
And if it was a curse, how fucked now is everyone reading this?

The questions are endless. Hell, we don't even have a clue about who the historical supervillain behind the attack could have been (although since we're talking about a proto-Viking-filled, 5th-century Scandinavia, the suspects probably include every single person who lived in Sweden at the time). Luckily, science is just as curious about Sandby fort as we are. In fact, researchers are going full CSI on the case: Through the magic of modern, 3D-mapping technology, they are trying to recreate the entire scene (they removed the skeletons as they found them, as archaeologists are wont to do), hoping to better understand what happened.

Kalmar Lans Museum
"They're finally on to you, Grimvald Skullpooper."

And speaking of nightmarish ancient crimes ...

Such was the case with a team of archeologists working in China's Shaanxi Province, who came across the site of a 4,300-year-old massacre in 2013. They excavated a total of 80 heads from two separate pits and scattered across an ancient wall. All of the heads belonged to young women, who were presumably captured during ethnic or tribal violence, and used as human sacrifice. This theory is supported by the fact that the researchers were unable to locate the bodies of said decapitated heads.

Most of the skulls showed signs of fire and blunt force trauma, suggesting they were both hit and burned before they were buried. These mass decapitations were most likely a part of a ceremony to bless the foundation of the wall that was built to protect the inhabitants of the Neolithic city of Shimao.

AFP/AFP/Getty Images
Fact: Every wall built without a mass-sacrifice crumbles, eventually.

Shimao, incidentally, was constructed during the Xia Dynasty, and abandoned only 300 or so years afterwards. While we're not ones to believe in ghosts, we're going to hazard a guess that this hasty abandonment just might have something to do with the fact that they buried 80 fucking skulls of their enemies right in front of their city walls.

If that's not going to get your boroughs haunted, nothing will.

So, let's say you're an archaeologist, sent to excavate around Atacama after your boss found out you're screwing his wife. As awful as the place is, it soon proves to be a veritable goldmine for your profession, since the conditions are custom made to preserve ancient dead folks. So you cavort happily about, cataloging mummies as you stumble upon them.

And then you find this fucking thing:

Sirius
What. The. What.

Bullshit. You're sure that's a fake, like maybe someone in your crew dropped a plastic souvenir doll he bought from one of those alien-themed roadside attractions. But it's a real mummy, and holy crap, did you just find an actual ancient alien?

That little buddy is called "Ata" (as in, "Atacama"), and it certainly comes with a massive side order of Fox Mulder theories re: its possible extraterrestrial origin. Apart from the obvious alien head (complete with an underdeveloped jaw and face), Ata also sports just 10 ribs instead of the 12-pack most humans have. Oh, and it's just 6 inches tall. That's another point for the "it's an alien" camp, we suppose.

Sirius
"From Eternia."

In reality, of course, scientists have been able to verify that Ata is very much a human. He's not the eons-old mummy he seems, either -- in fact, chances are the poor guy died just a few decades ago. The reason behind his ... unconventional look is still up for debate: Some say that Ata is a miscarried, severely malformed fetus. There is also evidence that he may have been 6-8 years old at the time of death, and suffered from an extreme form of dwarfism, progeria, or other disease that might have accounted for his appearance. Either way, we're almost certain you won't wake up to find this little guy climbing over your pillow tonight.

Sirius
Personally, we suggest never sleeping again.

For more fuel for your nightmares, check out The 24 Creepiest Discoveries People Just Stumbled Into and 6 Archaeological Discoveries Scarier Than Any Horror Movie.

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