The new taste sensation is called "a s**t-ton of electricity."
Since the '70s, New Zealand has been zapping fresh cuts of beef with low-voltage currents to fend off the posthumous oxidization that generally renders meat brown and chewy upon refrigeration. Originally, this technique was used on only a few muscles, but like in any successful scientific venture, the next step was to turn it up to 11 -- or to 25,000, since that's the amount of volts researchers recently decided to start testing on meat. And shoc-- uh, surprisingly (pun averted), it worked. By exposing meats to Soviet interrogation techniques, Kiwi scientists at Otago University achieved a 25-percent improvement in tenderization rates. Nobel Prize, anyone?
One day, every steak in the world will have been fucked by a robot.
This current renaissance in meat electrocution has inspired experimentation, and even the toughest cuts of meat can be made more palatable with a little electric boogaloo. Converting the 90 percent of the animal carcass that was previously doomed to tasting like butt could revolutionize the meat industry. Plus, steak with a side of electricity would be the most badass meal ever conceived.
In theory, there should be no negative side effects whatsoever of the electrically-tenderized meat, but the researchers haven't been able to taste-test it yet (as they've all been presumably too busy down at the records office arguing who gets to change his or her name to "Oxshocker Odinson").