Then there's Quiznos and Sbarro. Both are hundreds of millions of dollars in debt, thanks largely to a growing reputation of not being nearly as healthy as ostensibly figure-friendly eateries like Panera Bread and Chipotle. Both have filed for bankruptcy -- in fact, this is Sbarro's second filing this decade alone. On the bright side, this gives Sbarro two punches on their Bankruptcy Court VIP card. Eight more and they get one filing absolutely free.
Finally, there's good ol' McDonald's. This January, they decided what they really needed was to take a giant shit all over health food. So they filmed a commercial where they insisted they would never sell out with disgusting, hipster swill like soy, Greek yogurt, or, Grimace forbid, kale.
Four months later, McDonald's introduced kale. Of course they did -- misguided principles are the first to go when your business is fucking dying. Sales have dropped significantly over the past couple years, leading to the closing of over 350 stores, in addition to that sheepish attempt to win back millennials with devil-kale. Unfortunately, the rest of their menu is still some of the worst food possible health-wise, and when combined with the brick-and-mortar manifestation of a cheesy uncle who thinks he's "with it" because he knows what hashtags are, you can see why Ronald might be grilling up flatbreads at Panera sooner rather than later.