Here are the Cracked posts you guys passed around like a sloppy gravy boat last week. It wasn't all just sex and violence! A few of the most shared nuggets even skewed toward hope and kindness. Perhaps with the blossoming of Spring we're all becoming slightly less miserable grouches.
Click on the pics to check out the original articles!
Elbow strikes have a closer effective range than punches, and if you're really lucky/brutal/UFC-ready you'll blind that assailant with their own blood. #Photoplasty
Gold Star Comment: "My tactic is to strip naked and twirl my junk while making race car noises."
We should have known something was up when he started playing his guitar with a bow. #CrackedClassic
"Children, while certainly having a capacity for untold stupidity, are incredibly perceptive little bastards." If you're staying in a marriage just for the sake of the kids - "Studies show that they are very capable of picking up on all of that simmering hostility, and that it has a negative effect on everything they do."
Simo must have known he had the Russians rattled when they started blasting hillsides willy-nilly with artillery to try and nail him. #CrackedClassic
Taking Us All to School Comment: "The article missed two important facts about Simo's method of operation. 1. Most of his kills were made using mere ironsights, the longest recorded distance being around 450 meters. He didn't use the scope because of the potentially revealing lens glint. 2. He ate snow to keep his breath from turning into another revealing element: vapor."
Have you ever gone Back To The Origin Story? #Photoplasty #CrackedClassic
Gold Star Comment: "Back when a teenage kid could hang out with an old dude in a dusty shed and the police didn't have to get involved."
There are rich people who blow their money on bullsh!t, and then there are people who do great things with it. Batman-related things. #CrackedClassic
Gold Star Comment: "at least he chose the version without bat nipples"
Could it be? All of these hauntings, all of this folklore, all of it caused by something so, so stupid? #CrackedClassic
Notable Comment: "Not cool, man. Some of us are staring at our phones in the darkness."
Also, it allows the creepier children to act out that Ray Liotta scene from Hannibal. #Photoplasty
Gold Star Comment: "And if the child keeps swallowing heads it will form a totem pole inside the child, earning respect and awe from its peers."
Happy birthday, Mr. Rogers! Sit down, neighbor, and hear of a man who did not conquer the world, but did it one better; he reminded us that the world needs unity rather than conquest. #CrackedClassic
Gold Star Comment: "Interesting thing about Mr. Roger's birthday: it's the first day of the year according to the Bible. It's probably also the day the angels were created."
If you're feeling this way - we hope you can get help. We want all you guys to enjoy life. #CrackedClassic
Notable Comment: "this is the warmest, most friendly words you ever typed since... ever"
You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.
Being at the top of your game can really drag you down.
Sometimes our big, dumb brains are just flat-out wrong.