4

The Union Encouraged Counterfeiters to Collapse the Confederate Economy

Confederate States of America

Samuel Upham was a small-time Philadelphia shopkeep during the Civil War. One day in 1862, customers swarmed his store looking for copies of The Philadelphia Inquirer -- he simply couldn't keep the paper on his shelves. When he asked one customer what all the hullabaloo was about, the customer pointed to the front page, where the paper's editors had printed a $5 Confederate note. People in the North had never seen themselves an honest-to-goodness Confederate note before -- yes, as unfathomable as it seems, there was once a time before Google Image Search.

Via Masonic Geneology
"If you're curious about what anatomy looks like, please visit the produce aisle."

Cartoon dollar signs popped into Upham's eyes. He purchased the printing plate for the bill from the Inquirer and made thousands of copies. Now, it's important to note that these weren't counterfeits: Upham was careful to print "Facsimile Confederate Note," along with his name and address, at the bottom of each one. You know, right where it could easily be trimmed off, making the bill virtually indistinguishable from the real thing.

3

China Uses Their Prisons as Organ Farms

Jupiterimages/Polka Dot/Getty Images

China is second only to the United States in annual organ transplants -- and yet very few Chinese citizens are voluntary organ donors. That is some very simple math that results in a very awful sum. In 2005, China readily admitted that their organs come from executed prisoners. In fact, there are so many organs flopping about that China has become the go-to destination for "transplant tourists," which is the only kind of tourist worse than a normal tourist.

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Convicted murderer hearts make tourists 2 percent worse.

2

Qatar Uses Slave Labor to Prepare for the World Cup

Sean Gallup/Getty Images News/Getty Images

The nation of Qatar occupies a tiny area about the size of Connecticut, but it sits on an oil reserve so massive that it could only have resulted from God waking up one morning and saying, "Fuck every single dinosaur within this tiny area about the size of Connecticut."

When the announcement came that Qatar would host the 2022 World Cup, the news presented a problem: No existing city would be good enough for such a grand event.

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But Qatar won anyway, due entirely to an impressive bid tour and popular demand.

1

The U.S. Government Used a Nazi Child-Murderer to Track Down Che Guevara

Perfecto Romero

Klaus Barbie was known as the "Butcher of Lyon," a nickname one generally does not earn by just offering sweet deals on turkey breast. Barbie was an SS captain and Gestapo member, and he became infamous for personally and diabolically torturing prisoners while stationed in France, as well as sending orphaned Jewish children to Auschwitz. Truly, he was the worst Barbie of all -- way worse than even Street Rapper Barbie.

After the war, Barbie was one of those "useful" Nazis that the U.S. decided to keep around for the occasional moon trip or commie hunt. Klaus served as an adviser to the Counter Intelligence Corps, assisting in their efforts to rid the world of communism -- a mission that eventually earned him safe passage to Bolivia.

After his performance of "the liberation of Cuba," communist icon and freshman T-shirt favorite Che Guevara headed down to South America for the requisite encore. The CIA wanted to catch Che at any cost, and wouldn't you know it? The Communist Liberation Tour's next stop was Bolivia. Didn't they know a dude in Bolivia?

via Wikimedia
Time for Gangsters vs. Nazis 2: Guevara Bolivaloo

The full measure of Barbie's involvement is surrounded by speculation, but according to the Butcher himself (and several other sources close to him), the man who orchestrated the torture of untold French prisoners and herded droves of children into Nazi gas chambers was also personally responsible for the strategy that led to the capture and subsequent execution of Guevara. Barbie didn't get to ride off into the sunset, though: He ultimately died of cancer in a French prison cell after being convicted for war crimes.

Plus, as a final kick, we've heard that Klaus Barbie shirts don't sell nearly as well.

For more bizarre government actions, check out 5 Insane Supervillain Schemes by Real Governments and 6 Things You Won't Believe Got Banned By Modern Governments.

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