In the meantime, shoe companies spend millions trying to contour sneakers in such a way as to give "normals" the same support as the flat-footed master race, in a desperate attempt to delay inevitable extinction through natural selection.
While Dr. Scholl's tries to secretly cripple the flatties before they gain too much power.
Myth: Avoid Sex Before the Big Game -- It Harms Athletic Performance
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It's a widespread axiom in the sports world that getting laid diminishes your athletic performance, to the point where many coaches ban their players from having sex from one night to even one month before a match. In Raging Bull, Robert De Niro pours a jug of ice water on his dick to calm down his urges. Even Rocky was forced to abstain, creating conflict between his coach's orders and the girl he was really into. And you've seen The Karate Kid -- didn't you notice the scene where Mr. Miyagi wouldn't let him "eat the fish?"
"And no waxing off in the shower, either."
And for some reason, the supposed rule only applies to men. In women's sports, it's popularly thought that sex raises testosterone, and so it's encouraged to bang away as much as you want. So it makes women stronger but men weaker? How does that make sense?
It doesn't! This myth was proved false as early as 1995, when Yale conducted research on eleven men, testing their output when abstaining and when having sex, and no change in performance was detected. In fact, another study performed on marathon runners in London suggested that having sex improved their game.
Which sounds like an awesome study to sign up for until you get stuck in the control group.
Nevertheless, the rule is ancient; there's evidence that even the ancient Greeks participating in the first Olympic Games believed getting jiggy would sap their energy levels and lower aggression, post-coital bliss turning them all into big old pansy-ass girly men who couldn't sport properly. So it must have come from somewhere, right?
Well, there is one way that sex can affect your sporting performance, and that is if you stay up all night doing it. So if you take this article as permission to do the entire cheerleading squad the night before a big game and you suffer because of it, it's not because those sex vampires sucked out your prowess, it's just because it took you until sunrise to work your way from Candace through to Tiffany, and forgot to sleep.
Not to mention Todd through Alan.
For more ridiculous things you believe about your body, check out Your Mom Lied: 5 Common Body Myths Debunked and 6 Lies About the Human Body You Learned in Kindergarten.
Got a friend abstaining before the big game next week? Want to justify your sitting-three-inches-from-the-TV habit to your family? Click the Facebook 'share' button below.