Your Mom Lied: 5 Common Body Myths Debunked
Part of growing up is realizing almost everything your mom said was wrong. This is especially true when it comes to the human body (how many of you grew up with the "masturbation will make hair grow on your palms" thing?) where, as you'll see, mom often failed to do her research.
"If you shave, your facial hair will grow back thicker!"
The Lie:
Fellas, do you remember when you first started getting those wispy specks of hair on your chin? They were patchy and thin, but dammit you loved them, and you knew that it was merely a matter of months before you looked like those guys from ZZ Top. Do you remember what your mom told you? "If you shave your beard/moustache/muttonchops off it will grow back thicker and look much nicer." So you continued shaving it until, sure enough, five years later you had a perfectly serviceable moustache.
The Truth:
Actually, the only reason you ever managed to grow those whiskers was simply time. Renowned (read: gets the most tail) dermatologist Dr. Jerri Hoskyn M.D., says here that, "Shaving is just a method of cutting the hair at the skin surface and has no effect on the part of the hair ... where growth and pigmentation occur." Who's to argue with a man who had to go through eight years of medical school to cure pimples?
So why do moms perpetuate this one? Most likely out of the embarrassment most mothers of pubescent boys feel. It seems you didn't have the good fortune to hit the ground running with puberty like we Cracked staffers did, and it took you a few years to start looking and sounding like Powers Boothe. Consequently you had a fuzzy neck beard, and your parents didn't want to be seen in public with you until you shaved it.
So instead of telling you straight up that you were a repulsive pock-marked abomination and having to hear you whine in your broken girly voice, they simply lied and told you shearing hair makes it stronger and thicker, knowing you would do it--and keep doing it--in a futile attempt look like Grizzly Adams.
"You can't have anymore sugar, you'll be bouncing off the walls!"
The Lie:
All you wanted was another scoop of pure cane sugar in your cherry Kool-Aid, and your mom refused. What the hell! Of course her reasoning is "No, if you have anymore sugar you'll be bouncing off the walls." While we now know she was just telling us she didn't want us getting all hyperactive, you know, running around the house, screaming "child abuse" out of the windows at passers-by, setting the guinea pig on fire and tying our siblings to chairs, it was pretty much the worst thing she could have told us. Instantly our little minds were suddenly filled with visions of being able to defy gravity and ricochet about the house without ever having to touch the floors. In short, your mom told you that you could be fucking Spider-Man if you had more sugar, so you ate the entire bag of sugar.
The Truth:
Unfortunately after eating a bag of sugar you didn't become Spider-Man. In fact, the only superhero you became that day was Vomit-His-Stomach-And-Hallucinate-Man. Hell, it didn't even make you hyper.
Your mom was wrong on two counts: first off, gravity is unaffected by sugar. Secondly, hyperactivity is unaffected by sugar. Or at least, that's what dashing professor of neonatology and general pediatrics at UAMS Medical center, Dr. Bryan Burk says here. "No evidence exists that feeding children a high-sugar diet will induce hyperactivity, despite the common belief that it does."
It seems that you need to consume something more along the lines of caffeine, dopamine or crack to achieve any hyperactivity. In fact for some children, sugar may very well have an opiate affect on their brain. In case you didn't know, morphine and heroin are opiates, so when your mom gave you sugar, it may have been like shooting you up with tiny little amounts of smack, and smack addicts are not known as the most active of people.
Of course, the part about sugar destroying your teeth and turning you into a fatass are both still true, so in the end mom was right.
"Turn on a light! Reading in the dark will ruin your eyes"
The Lie:
Who doesn't remember being nine, sitting in the warming glow of the artificial fire, reading The Brothers Karamazov,and having their mom force them to turn on a lamp to spare their eyes? We all grumbled and groaned and switched on the lights and squinted as the glare from the pages blinded our eyes, and later Uncle Paul would take us to the ice cream shop and let us stick our fingers in the blender. Who can forget that? That did happen to everyone, right?
The Truth:
It seems that, not only did your mom lie about your Uncle Paul's stay in "con college," she also lied to you about your eyes as well. Of course we all know this has become a non-issue since we have it on good faith that only doctors, fat people and nerds read anything anymore.
The truth is, due to the amazing resilience of the human eye, reading in dim light doesn't hurt our eyes. Dr. Katrina Schmidt, who is both a doctor and a woman, says here that, "Reading in dim light is not in itself going to ruin your eyes."
However she does note that our eyes work a little harder in dim light, so if we keep moving the book to try and focus on it, it will tax our poor retinas to the point where they may well just leap off of our eyeballs and walk out the door. According to Wikipedia there have been five cases of this exact thing [citation needed].
"Don't swallow that gum! It takes seven years to pass through your digestive system!"
The Lie:
So there you are chewing gum and playing hopscotch while jumping rope on a roller coaster. You desperately try and keep that delicious resin-based goop in your mouth while enjoying your favorite activities, so one moment you're chewing on it, and then the next moment it feels as if a slug is climbing down your throat. It's then that your mother's words echo in your head, "Never swallow your gum, it'll take seven years before you crap it out." You suddenly picture years worth of gum accumulating in your stomach into a hardening clump that will, of course, kill you.
The Truth:
We would think you'd learn not to listen to your mother by this point, and that the only true thing she ever told you in your life was that you're adopted. The truth (as presented by Cracked.com and your friends at Hubba Bubba) is that you could swallow a whole thing of bubble tape and you'd get to see it come out the other end in a matter of days.
According to those killjoys over at Snopes, the reason your mom lied to you is because she was confused about the term "indigestible," which actually just means your stomach acids are unable to break down the components of gum. While this may sound unpleasant, note that no one ever accuses corn of ruining your digestive system, and it's just as hard to digest.
So the only thing this means is that your gum will appear intact upon exiting your body, which leaves it open to any number of workplace pranking opportunities, Cracked is not responsible for any injuries or firings resulting from that idea, but will gladly own up to any resulting hilarity.
"Put a jacket on! You'll catch a cold!"
The Lie:
We all heard this one while storming out the door in our pajamas in a desperate quest to bury ourselves in the field of fresh snow just outside the threshold of our homes. "Put a jacket on! You'll catch your death out there!" she'd scream, especially if this was all taking place in the 1950s. That's just like your mom to "kill your buzz" and "cramp your style" when all you wanted to do was skinny dip down in the ol' (half-frozen) fishing pond. So against your will you ended up waddling out the door bundled in seven layers of clothing, all due to your mother's half-cocked misconceptions about colds.
The Truth:
In your mother's defense, there's a definite causality between cold weather and colds, but we'll get to that in a moment, after explaining why she's so horribly, horribly wrong. You see, the "common cold" is caused by the rhinovirus, this friendly fellow:
An actual photo of the rhinovirus, from GiantMicrobes.com
What your mom misunderstood about our friend the rhinovirus is that he is just that, a virus. Viruses are pure undead malevolence encoded into genetic material and wrapped up in a creepy protein shell. They aren't even technically alive, so temperature has no affect on them. They're just tiny zombies that you can't even shoot in their microscopic zombie heads.
So why do people get a cold when it's cold out? It depends on who you ask, but if you ask Robert Bradsher M.D. you'll learn that "cold weather usually makes people stay indoors, which might increase the person-to-person transmission of respiratory viruses." Really, if your mother was smart and well informed she would have kicked your ass outside so she could enjoy her Southern Comfort, childless home and germ-free air.
It should also be noted that when you did finally catch that cold, your mom starving your cold and forcing orange juice down your throat did absolutely jack-all for curing you.
Chances are, your mom didn't tell you why some men are total douchebags, did she? Allow us to explain in our rundown of 5 Douchebag Behaviors That Can be Explained by Science. Or, read about the large breasted country singer Yoko Ono is suing for being too much like her dead husband.
I was always told the first one so I wouldn't shave. (I'm a girl.)
ReplyI was told that too! Having dark hair, I thought I was hairier than I really was and I heard it the whole time!
I just want to to say, I don't buy the "people get colds because they stay indoors more in the winter" theory. I think anyone with a bit common sense and decent pattern recognition should notice that one does, in fact, get colds after being exposed to cold temperatures. That's why it's called a "cold."
ReplyI have myself experienced this: I've lived with a large family for extensive periods of time and almost never got sick, then moved out and lived on my own for a while and got sick all on my own, suspiciously directly after being outdoors in cold weather.
The reason you get colds from cold is because low temperatures lowers the immune system - the body reacts to low temperatures by restricting blood flow to the extremities which cuts down on the white blood cells needed to fight off Mr Rhinovirus.The human body also has short term priorities when it comes to dealing with harsh enviroments, so it will actually divert energy from the immunity system in order to keep itself warm.
Could it be that moving out exposed you to a new environment and new surrounding neighbours/people, through which you were exposed to new viruses that your body hadn't built an immune response to? Or if you're like me, you ended up eating crappy when you first moved out and didn't take care of yourself as well as when you lived with family?
Many factors can correlate with increased viral symptoms, but correlation does not simply imply causation. Ie. it may be coincidental that you had more colds in cold weather.
Fully agree. It baffles me how can even scientists think that being exposed to cold doesn't give you the flu, since that is pretty much the only way I ever get sick.
was there really any confusion that all of these are not true? i mean come on now
Replymeet rich people here-----------sugarcupid*com
ReplyBeware though, too many sugarcupids will have you bouncing off the walls.
Hahaha great article!!
ReplyEverybody looks like they're quoting somebody famous in their comments now.
ReplyI remember my mom telling me to expect once I began shaving my legs, the hair would grow in thicker and pretty sure she believed it. Also, why is it 'mom' is the one getting the blame here as if she set up people. Dad said some of these winners too. They are passed down deceptions, sure but none were intentional. Science is great though in that it can debunk some silliness. Will say though that the sugar deal, there's normally a spike and then a drop/crash in 10 mins to a half hour after consumption. It does make kids and adults hyper and then sleepy. As for the giving of orange juice when you are having a cold, that's good for you. Vitamin C and getting any liquids in you when you have a cold or flu is healthy...
ReplyRhinovirus is never truly cured, its symptoms are just minimized and/or suspended until it has a chance to rear its ugly head when your immune system is lowered enough.
ReplyWHY ARE ALL THE COMMENTS IN ITALICIZED BOLD.
ReplyUnfinished HTML code for the font.
Weirdly, I heard the shaving myth about my legs. I think Mom just believed it.
ReplyWait, you're claiming sugar doesn't make you hyper? Since when is there no evidence to support that? Ok, here's some evidence: take a bunch of honey and cover a piece of white bread with it. Eat it. Now see if it doesn't cause a fairly big energy spike for a little while followed by a crash (I used to sometimes see people do that before wrestling matches). That's how metabolism works. Simple sugars/simple carbs break down quickly and rapidly provide a lot of glucose for your cells to use in respiration and energy/ATP production. That's why things like sugars and whatnot that are considered 'bad' for us taste so very good; because our body wants them due to the fact that they contain lots of very easily usable energy. Well, fats because they contain a lot of calories/energy in general, but w/e.
Reply Hide All See All 8 RepliesIf that's allegedly not how metabolism works, and sugar doesn't really give you a large energy spike, then this guy better get to reeducating the scientific community, and really the community in general, because I'm pretty sure there are a whole lot of people who say otherwise. Unfortunately I can't find the specific article where you linked to, but why would someone say something like that?
As for the cold thing, not only would people be inside more, but I'd figure being out in the cold would put more strain on your body and ultimately make your immune system function less efficiently, but I don't know. But hey, I'm pretty sure orange juice contains vitamins and whatnot that are helpful to one's body and immune system when fighting off sickness and sore throat. Again though, that's just as far as I understand.
i am pretty sure that what was said was that sugar will not turn you into spiderman
i think that the thing about cold whether in general that makes people more likely to get sick is because, alongside being around more people, you touch your face more because your face gets cold or you have a runny nose or w/e reason, i feel like that has to at least play some part of it.
Sugar does provide energy but you won't go batshit insane after eating it
"In one test, a group of children were all given the same sugar-rich drink, but the parents of half the group of children were informed that there children were given a drink withOUT sugar.
When questioned afterwards, the parents who thought their child HADN'T had any sugar (even though they had) reported far less hyperactive behavior."
-The book of General Ignorance,
The essential set text for people who are proud to admit that they don't know everything,
and the ideal stick with which to beat people who think they do.
"In one test, a group of children were all given the same sugar-rich drink, but the parents of half the group were told that they'd been given a sugar-FREE drink. When questioned afterwards, the parents who thought their children HADN'T had any sugar (even though they had) reported far less hyperactive behaviour."
-The book of General Ignorance
The essential set text for everyone who's proud to admit that they don't know everything,
and the ideal stick with which to beat people who do.
"In one test, a group of children were all given the same sugar-rich drink, but the parents of half the group were told that they'd been given a sugar-FREE drink. When questioned afterwards, the parents who thought their children HADN'T had any sugar (even though they had) reported far less hyperactive behaviour."
-The book of General Ignorance
The essential set text for everyone who's proud to admit that they don't know everything,
and the ideal stick with which to beat people who do.
Just for the record, I have never ever experienced any extra energy from eating sugar, even in large amounts. In fact, I only found out sugar rushes was considered a thing until well into my teens, and my reaction was pretty much: "What, really? That actually happens to other people?"
It was like being told eating apples make people blind.
I totally agree penguin, that is how metabolism works. But you have to remember this is Cracked and I really don't come here to read a 100% factually correct article.
d'aww, the rhinovirus looks so cute
ReplyI remember all too well being told that reading in poor light would ruin my eyes. Of course it doesn't, but it does make it so you won't blink as much, since your eyes are trying to get as much light as possible. Try not blinking for an hour. It sure feels like your eyes are dying.
ReplyI don't see "masturbating makes you go blind on here."
Reply...I guess I should be blind now. (Though, in its defence, it opens with hair growing)
"So instead of telling you straight up that you were a repulsive pock-marked abomination and having to hear you whine in your broken girly voice"
ReplyMy... my mom actually told me that.... I HATE YOU, CRACKED!!!
*cries*
They did find some bacteria or virus that transmitted better in the cold. And none of this explains colds in southern states, where people are probably indoors more often during warm months for the A/C. Hell, the winter's the only time it's decent to go out.
Replyi always got "if you dont dry your hair you will get sick" just as equally annoying, if not worse!
ReplyTrue, and this is what annoys me the most about this myth. The Finns invented the sauna. They gather, naked, in 190 degree rooms and hit each other with branches. Then they race outside at the same moment, run through ankle deep snow and throw themselves in icy ponds. They're the healthiest people on Earth. If I walk across the kitchen floor in my bare feet I'm a dead man. Or so the story goes.
wet hair will not get you sick.. however it can give you ear problems if it is cold out...
I have a deep and abiding love of GiantMicrobes.
ReplyReally, who wouldn't want to snuggle up to one of those things.
Actually, the shaving "myth" is not quite wrong. It really does depend on person to person. For me, my hair started out fine and grew coarse once I started shaving. The proof for me is that when I wax my legs and let the new hair follicle grow, it is fine, long, and soft. Once I shave, it becomes much darker, coarse, and thicker. I think it might have something to do with genetics of my family but at least in MY case, the shaving "myth" is not a myth at all.
ReplySeriously? Shaving cuts the hair off at the skins surface, so instead of being it's normal tappered tipped self it is "blunt" or flat on top giving it the appearance and feeling of being coarser/thicker. Waxing pulls hair at the root so when the new hair grows it starts again from scratch with it's nice tappered tip again!
@Shivz
You're wrong.
I'm glad that more and more people are debunking the shaving myth, because unlike the explanation given in this article, many people still actually truly believe that shaving hair makes it grow back coarser, thicker and faster. In fact, when I try to tell almost anyone otherwise, they don't believe me.
Reply