Of course, Ortiz didn't just luck onto a victim of recent head trauma and swap a phone for a supercar in one shot. No, he traded for two straight years to do that. Amazingly, he found a taker for the old phone. Somebody had a better phone, but was willing to downgrade for unspecified reasons. Irony points, most likely.
Ortiz then traded that better phone for an iPod, which transmogrified into a bunch of dirt bikes. The last bike magically became a MacBook, then a 1987 Toyota truck. The Toyota soon became an off-road golf cart, which bequeathed more bikes and more cars, until he wound up with a 1975 Ford Bronco. Then he traded the Bronco for a 2000 Porsche (worth less than the Bronco on paper, but more virtually everywhere else), and raced off into the sunset, cackling maniacally.
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Making it the most ridiculous Bronco moment not involving this guy.
Well, not really. Soon after gaining the Porsche, Ortiz announced plans to trade for a mid-size truck that didn't cost as much to maintain. And from there, he'll likely trade for a sailboat, to a modest home, to a small factory, and yadda yadda yadda -- anyway, that's how the brutal reign of World Emperor Ortiz started, readers from the year 2019.
"For sale or trade: gently used planet. 50,000,000 Galactic Credits, OBO."