Some people stand in the darkness, but don't be afraid -- you can roll into the light with your very own lifelike, "oversized" David Hasselhoff. And by "oversized" we mean that thing is 14 feet long -- so his face is about 2 feet tall. Are you picturing it? Are you picturing yourself waking up next to it?
Sold as part of a large Hasselhoff auction that includes a classy Disney-themed denim jacket and an absolutely bitchin' Knight Rider golf cart, this Hoff replica was used on screen for the SpongeBob SquarePants movie. As if that jubilant, hollow void of a grin wasn't enough, the prop comes equipped with a roller that makes it easy for David Hasselhoff to follow you everywhere you go, including every dream for the rest of your life.
If you like a little bit more disturbing implication of free will, you could always go for this alternative model:
Premiere Props via LiveAuctioneers
Rise, Lord Hasselhoff.
Isn't that precious? He's trying so hard to escape his mechanical shackles that his pectoral muscle is erupting! Set him in the corner of your bedroom and pretend he's cheering you on while you're having sex!