Another study took 32 different couples and had them lie down within a few feet of each other while hooked up to heart and respiratory monitors. The study found that the two people would begin breathing and beating their freaking hearts in sync, which suddenly makes every Sting song make total sense. Heartbeats are a physiological response that cannot be consciously controlled, let alone detected from across a room -- being in love gives us not only super senses, but the power to slow our own circulatory system like a Shaolin monk. And according to the researchers' results, women are more adept at doing this than men, which is another way of saying that all women are superhuman mystics.
Where do you think Beyonce got the beat for "Crazy in Love"?
Wait, there's more! The mad scientist that is human biology will actually adjust the level of hormones swirling throughout your innards -- specifically, the amount of testosterone -- to match your partner.
You see, nature wants one thing, which is for us to gleefully spread our DNA with the same enthusiasm as a toddler smearing peanut butter on every item in your home entertainment center. And testosterone governs sexual development and reproduction. So, when a heterosexual couple is romantically involved, the woman's testosterone levels will actually increase, whereas the man's will subtly decrease. The goal, essentially, is to make women more manly and men more feminine. It doesn't go as far as sprouting lumberjack beards on ladies' faces or turning men into Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior. It's more about balancing the two partners out on common ground.
Until their lovemaking looks like twincest.
The testosterone levels begin to go back to normal as the relationship evolves. According to evolutionary theorists, this is because women start to focus on the upbringing of the children who inevitably resulted from the extended nudity festival, and thus their testosterone (and sexual desire) decreases. Meanwhile, men's testosterone goes back up to normal, which means they actually want to have sex more. It's almost a comedy routine, sort of like The Odd Couple, if Walter Matthau spent the entire time leering suggestively at Jack Lemmon.
Always on the go but can't get enough of Cracked? We have an Android app and iOS reader for you to pick from so you never miss another article.
Do you have a pop culture muse? Channel it in our T-shirt latest contest and you could win $500.
Related Reading: Fuck love songs, have a like song instead. Oh and by the way, if you've been looking for a soul mate you've been sabotaging your own love life. That's just one of the many ways in which how we define love itself is wrong.