5

Gone Girl -- The Abandoned Car Will Ruin Amy's Entire Plan

20th Century Fox

4

Beauty And The Beast -- The Angry Mob Of Villagers Will Kill The Beast

Walt Disney Pictures

Beauty And The Beast is the best animated children's musical ever made about Stockholm syndrome. The Beast needs the love of a woman in order to break his spell and transform back into a human prince, so he holds Belle against her will in his castle until he wins her heart. Gaston, a jackass from Belle's village, finds this a tad horrifying and goes to Beast's castle to kill him. And he's not alone -- through the power of his excellent singing voice, Gaston riles up a small army of pissed-up folks to accompany him on his raid of the Beast's castle.

Walt Disney Pictures
"Let's get contemporary on his ass!"

3

Delivery Man -- Vince Vaughn's 391 Unidentified Children (Will Accidentally Bone Each Other)

DreamWorks Pictures

Vince Vaughn plays David, a dude who made hundreds of anonymous donations to a sperm bank in the early '90s, and is now horrified to find out that there are 533 little Vince Vaughns out there. One hundred and forty two of his grown-up children organize a class action lawsuit to reveal David's identity; he fights the suit at first, but eventually learns a valuable life lesson of some sort and comes clean to them.

DreamWorks Pictures
He also reveals his identity.

David's other 391 sons and daughters out there who still don't know who their dad is ... which, thanks to a little thing called genetic sexual attraction, will probably result in at least a few people accidentally boning a sibling.

DreamWorks Pictures
It doesn't help that most of his kids are, like, Hollywood-movie attractive.

Fun fact: There are numerous documented cases of siblings meeting for the first time during adulthood and becoming sexually attracted to each other. Yeah, we lied, that's not fun. In fact, in one particular case, a British man had such a hard time dealing with his obsessive attraction to his long-lost sister that he nearly destroyed his marriage and considered suicide. There are actual real-life cases of men donating enough sperm to father over a hundred children, but people are calling for a legal limit to how many of your little swimmers can be handed out to prevent this sort of Korean movie-level horror.

That clearly wasn't a concern in Delivery Man. In the film, David made all his deposits at the same sperm bank, so it's reasonable to assume that most of his surrogate children grew up in the same area, went to the same night clubs, and noticed the same oddly specific mole on a sexual partner's back the morning after. Hell, it's still gotta be pretty awkward for the 142 surrogates who do know whose balls they came from. How would you feel if, from now on, you had to live with the possibility that anyone your age you feel attracted to might be your sister?

DreamWorks Pictures
"Just so you know, I'll require a DNA test before we can have sex."
"I just asked for the time."

2

Training Day -- Denzel Washington's Corrupt Cop Buddies Will Come After The Hero

Warner Bros. Pictures

Jake Hoyt (Ethan Hawke) is an L.A.P.D. rookie who is teamed up for a training day with veteran narcotics detective Alonzo Harris (Denzel Washington), and wacky hijinks ensue between the comically mismatched partners: Alonzo murders people, steals $1 million in drug money, and blackmails Jake by coercing him into smoking marijuana laced with PCP. You know, the usual buddy cop movie cliches.

Warner Bros. Pictures
A similar scene happened in 48 Hrs., except the cameras weren't rolling, and Nick Nolte was alone.

Alonzo then tries to have Jake killed, but Jake survives and tracks him down to Baldwin Village. After Jake reclaims the stolen money, Alonzo is assassinated by the Russian mob while trying to flee the city. Thankfully, the L.A.P.D. has always been a paragon of honesty and virtue, so Jake's bound to be hailed as a hero, right?

Pretty much every other cop in this movie is a corrupt piece of shit. For starters, Alonzo had four other cops accompany him during the raid on the dealer's home, and they all took a share of the drug money. If they don't kill Jake to prevent him from ratting them out, they might do it anyway just to avenge their dead buddy.

Warner Bros. Pictures
The police force that hired Dr. Dre is corrupt? Whaaat?

And then there's the "Three Wise Men," a trio of high-ranking police officials who take dirty money, help orchestrate Alonzo's illegal activities, and just seem very fond of Alonzo in general (he was a very sociable guy). But let's say that despite all of this, Jake still goes to his superiors and tries to expose Alonzo -- why should anyone believe him? He has the drug money as evidence, but his only witnesses that Alonzo had it are a bunch of gangbangers who probably won't sound too credible.

Warner Bros. Pictures
Unless Terry Crews concludes his testimony with the Old Spice tune.

1

Mr. & Mrs. Smith -- Their Evil Bosses Are Still Alive

20th Century Fox

Brangelina portray John and Jane Smith, a married couple who somehow live together for several years without realizing what the other one does for a living. It turns out they're both assassins employed by rival firms, but then, in one of the most illogical movie plans ever, both firms conclude that the best thing to do is to coerce the Smiths into assassinating each other.

After surviving multiple attempts on their lives (by people they're not married to, as well), the Smiths join forces to stave off a shit-ton of assassins during a climactic department store shootout. The last scene features John and Jane in a session with their marriage counselor, implying that the mutual slaughter of bad guys is a great stimulant for their sex life.

20th Century Fox
"I can only get it up if she's killed someone in the past 10 minutes."

"Mother" and "Father," the shadowy figures behind John and Jane's respective people-killing firms, who only communicate by speaking through computer screens. Unless they were both secretly Vince Vaughn's character, they're still out there, and still have the motivation and the resources to murder these lovebirds.

20th Century Fox
All we know is their names are "Jennifer" and "Billy Bob."

The Smiths survive the department store siege, but what's stopping Mother and Father from sending another truckload of assassins after them? Both of the firms are still functional and seem to have practically unlimited resources. Organizations which make their livelihood from assassinating people generally don't just say, "Aw, they learned that love is the greatest bounty of all. Might as well let them live."

It would be one thing if the ending established that John and Jane got new identities and disappeared to start a new life, but the last scene shows them in a session with the very same marriage counselor they've been seeing the entire movie. When you've left a trail of nine dozen bodies in your wake, you might want to consider breaking away from your weekly routine just a little bit. We're willing to bet there's probably another group of assassins waiting just outside the office door, ready to counsel the Smiths with hundreds of bullets.

20th Century Fox
"We're moving in as soon as they finish talking about the sex stuff. Making great insights there."

Robin Warder is the co-owner of a pop culture website called The Back Row and worked on a sci-fi short film called Jet Ranger of Another Tomorrow.

For more unseen consequences in movies, check out 6 Movies That Didn't Realize They Let The Villain Win and 6 Huge Movie Plot Twists That Caused Even Bigger Plot Holes .

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