This type of wingman usually has heightened senses, an almost preternatural ability to figure out where the host is hiding his other bottles of Burnett's, and is willing to position himself directly in front of the circulating hors d'oeuvres. He can smell tiny grilled cheeses from a distance of about 20 yards, and he'll patiently stalk anything on a stick or mini-bun. He's a stand-up guy who brings back extra chips (and salsa!) for the whole group. As long as he keeps the plates and glasses full, we won't even notice how long you've been cornering our friend.
A Font of Useful Professional Advice
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Every now and again, we all find ourselves in certain, uh, situations, where a qualified -- and yes, expensive -- professional would be a great deal of help in a hurry. If your wingman is a knowledgeable expert of practically any variety -- and willing to dish out free advice -- he's worth his weight in wingman gold.
Keep in mind, we're not talking about a guy who's a walking encyclopedia of the NFL's best rushers, or every Oscar nominated movie where you can see someone's boobs. The key is that the knowledge he has is useful -- and available at no charge. In all likelihood if we weren't at this party, we'd be whiling away hours on the Internet looking for legal advice or trying to solving nagging conditions on WebMD that we can't afford to tend to in real life.
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"So it's either tendonitis or ... testicular torsion?"