Leave It to Beaver is looked back on fondly by baby boomers who yearn for a simpler time when a young boy could be nicknamed after female genitalia without irony. A typical episode of this lighthearted sitcom followed the Beaver, the youngest son of a nice suburban family, getting into some sort of trouble and finally receiving a lesson from his father.
"... and that's why you should test your crack before handing over the cash."
The Little-Known Sequel That Ruins It:
Leave It to Beaver ended in 1963, just when the kids were starting to get too old and the "gee whiz" innocence of the show was starting to feel out of place in the new decade. But what if the show had continued into the '80s and gotten exponentially more awkward each year? That's the question that the 1983 TV movie Still the Beaver sought to answer.
JSF0864You can practically see the desperation in their sweaters.
The special opens with the Beav (played by the same actor, now in his mid-30s) being thrown out of his house by his wife. His wife, by the way, is also his boss' daughter, so in addition to being alone and homeless, the formerly fun-lovin' Beaver is also automatically unemployed and miserable.
Welcome to the '80s, shithead.
The other characters haven't fared much better. Eddie Haskell is a bumbling, weasely independent contractor. The Beaver's brother, Wally, is a successful attorney, but has spent over a year trying to get his wife pregnant, with no success (we're pretty sure they never did that storyline in the old show). And their old pal Larry Mondello is now a Hare Krishna named Vishnu.
Larry is also the first person of color ever featured on Leave It to Beaver.
What about the Beaver's wise and patient father? Yeah, he's dead. With the show's moral center in a grave, it's easy to see how the others ended up the way they did. The Beav moves back in with his widowed mother and inexplicably begins dressing like he's a 10-year-old in 1955 again as he's haunted by black-and-white flashbacks from his childhood.
"This episode's lesson is that we all die, sooner or later."
It seems like only a matter of time until the Beaver's mom walks in to find him sticking his head in the oven, but he's probably too incompetent to figure out how an oven works. Somehow, the movie spun off into a new series called The New Leave It to Beaver, which ran for four fucking seasons.
Anthony Scibelli is a handsome stand-up comedian and comedy writer. You can follow him on Twitter or check out his website. Or both.
For more sequels that must've spawned from the originals' Cliff's Notes, check out 5 Sequels Made By People Who Must Not Have Seen the Original and 6 Insane Sequels That Almost Ruined Classic Movies.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The 3 Most Notorious Photobombers on the Internet (Part 2).
And stop by LinkSTORM to see what happens when DOB writes a sequel to Spider-Man.
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