The Chuuk is the biggest ship graveyard in the world, but obviously, it's not just ships: tanks, artillery, human remains -- there are all sorts of corpses down there. So clearly it's a total hit with divers! Stupid, reckless, incredibly ballsy divers who are free to explore the husks of the old battleships, warplanes and the occasional skeleton, just as long as they don't try to remove any of it from its dark, watery grave. Oh, not for any paranormal reasons or anything: It's just that there's a lot of live ammunition, and most everything is covered in highly caustic aviation fluid -- which sure sounds like PC talk for "cursed" to us.
That's not just us fear-mongering, by the way: It really is kind of cursed. It's estimated that among all the machines of death at the bottom of Chuuk, there are a few million gallons of crude oil that threaten to spill out and utterly destroy the local ecosystem at any time. So no, there's no old gypsy lady pointing a chicken foot at you and shouting vile gibberish -- but let's call a spade a spade here. Or rather, let's call a mass grave of people killed in horrific ways that could one day release a black cloud of death that will destroy everything in its path "a little bit cursed."
The Kabayan Burial Caves
Located in the northern Philippines, the Kabayan Burial Caves were first discovered accidentally by a logging crew clearing a local mountain slope. Once they checked inside, the loggers (who obviously didn't listen to the audience at home shouting "Don't go in there!") found hundreds of skulls and strange little walnut-shell-like coffins. Cracking open the coffins (Jesus Christ, loggers -- you're just begging to be disemboweled by ancient corpses, aren't you?) revealed scores of mummified remains of the Ibaloi people, all tucked inside the containers like soul-scarring little Poke Balls of the dead.
"Didn't I say make sure you poke air holes? What did I say?"
Fifteen identical caves were later found nearby, presumably after the loggers "split up" and two of them started making out on top of a bloody tomb. But hey, maybe you're jaded by this point in the article -- maybe the subaquatic skulls and cannibal graves have left your soul hardened to such pedestrian sights as creepy little wooden eggs filled with corpses. If that's the case, maybe you should take a closer look at one of the mummies:
It's like a Rob Zombie Coppertone ad.
And maybe you could also use a little context: The Ibaloi mummify their dead because they believe that members of their tribe will "live again," so they "preserve the body for the owner to use when he comes back to life." So if you put all the world's religions in a big deck, shuffle them up, and pick one that'll come true, all those little wooden eggs will crack open and release thousands of tiny, desiccated, screaming mummies if you pull the Ibaloi card.
Oh, but remember, that's not their idea of hell; that's their best case scenario. Because the Ibaloi are a terrifying people, and somebody just started raiding their damn cemeteries.
Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a freelance English-Japanese-Polish translator, tour guide and writer. Contact him at email@example.com.
For more places that are probably haunted, check out 5 Amazing Abandoned Wastelands ... Within Walking Distance and The 6 Most Mind-Blowing Modern Ghost Towns.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The 5 Craziest Presidential Campaign Ads of All Time
And stop by LinkSTORM to learn how to exorcise the butt-ghosts from your desk chair.
And don't forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed. Are you on Google+? So are we!
Do you have an idea in mind that would make a great article? Then sign up for our writers workshop! Do you possess expert skills in image creation and manipulation? Mediocre? Even rudimentary? Are you frightened by MS Paint and simply have a funny idea? You can create an infographic and you could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow!