The nice people of the Internet shared the hell out of these last week. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties!

"Despite the fact that by all accounts Marquette understood the Peoria language, he didn't seem to notice, and so the mighty Shitface River flowed through middle America until the 1800s, when the bustling metropolis of Shitface sprang up along its banks."


"Seriously, tell me you can find any difference between future president Bill Clinton in the above photo and Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski."


4 Things No One Tells You About Having OCD

OCD isn't a funny quirk, and it's not something that you click on in your "Which DC Comics Character Am I?" internet quiz.

forgetting a pen and having to take notes in pencil when the rest are in pen is literally killing me right NOw #ocd Expand I have the biggest oed when

"Imagine the feeling of having a song stuck in your head. Now imagine that instead of 'It's Raining Men,' it's the thought of murdering your best friend. In graphic detail. Over and over again."


"Evil clowns exist and they know where your surveillance cameras are."


"In explaining to Congress how it is parents' responsibility to pay attention to what their children are listening to, Zappa compared the PMRC's agenda to a 'sinister kind of 'toilet training program' to house-break all composers,' and their mission to 'treating dandruff by decapitation.'"


My Brief Time As Donald Trump's Campaign Manager

"We kicked around a LOT of good, dumb slogans before settling on "Make America Great Again." I really wanted to go with "America: Put It In You," but Donald thought it would be too obvious and no one would take us seriously."

10 Cracked Social Media Posts That Crushed It This Week-3/12

"You have to believe me: Promising to build a wall was supposed to be the thing that let everyone else know that we weren't serious about running. A giant wall between Mexico and America? That's a child's idea of national security, a dumb child."


20 Bizarre Stats About Humans That Science Can't Explain

Beware of the sea goats and water bearers. That's likely blood, not H2O.

CRACKEDCO MoRE SERTAL KILLERS ARE BORN IN ANUARY THAN ANY OTHER MONTH A study of 293 serial killer spread across 29 countries all over the world revea

"Science has done so much for us -- from groundbreaking innovations to learning if a turkey will have sex with a stick. (Spoiler alert: yes.) But, it turns out those poindexters aren't all they're cracked up to be."


"I'm pretty damn stable, but by my second or third headache, before I knew what was going on, if someone had offered me a bullet, I would have taken it."


The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (3/8)

Cue arguments that it's unrealistic to cast a black man as a parallel universe gunslinger in 3,2... Oh, nevermind - already started!

IDRIS ELBA WILL STAR AS THE GUNSLINGER IN THE DARK TOWER. The actor, known for his roles in Prometheus and Thor, will play protagonist Roland Deschain

"The news is crafted specifically to cater to people who enjoy being angry and/or terrified."


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