To Get Rid of a Wart, a Man Blows His Finger Off With a Shotgun
For Yorkshire resident Sean Murphy, the painful wart on his finger was a source of frequent irritation and distraction, like being perpetually attached to a wacky sitcom neighbor. He tried everything he could think of to get rid of it, but after five years the wart was still there, constantly barging in uninvited and trying a new get-rich-quick scheme every week. Clearly it was time to get out the shotgun.
"Shotguns are like the Swiss Army knives of ... uh, guns."
That's right: After "no amount of creams, ointments or doctors' appointments" helped, Murphy decided it was time to take things to another level. He just so happened to have run across a 12-gauge Beretta shotgun that had been responsibly disposed of underneath a hedge, and Murphy had decided to keep it rather than alert the authorities because, hey, free shotgun. So, Murphy sat down with his new boomstick and, after a lot of careful deliberation, drank a whole shitload of beer. Then, after some much less careful deliberation, he took aim and blew the wart into oblivion ... along with the finger it was attached to.
Murphy was apparently surprised to lose his entire finger in the incident, and blamed the result on the gun's recoil. You know, instead of the copious amounts of alcohol in his system, or the fact that trying to shoot a wart off of a finger with a 12-gauge shotgun is like trying to ... actually, there is no comparison we can come up with crazier than this. In fact, from now on when trying to demonstrate overkill, we'll use the phrase "Like trying to remove a wart with a shotgun."
Then again, do you see any warts in this picture? Then problem solved.
The consequences didn't end there, though. Since the British legal system doesn't accept "finders keepers" as a defense against illegal possession of a firearm, Murphy found himself facing up to 15 years in prison. Fortunately, his lawyer was able to argue the sentence down to a fine and community service, which Murphy presumably will not be fulfilling by performing charity banjo recitals.