Honey Bees Have Cock Missiles
After a privileged life of dining on only the finest bee spit, the time will eventually come for a virgin queen bee to move out of the hive and start her own. And thus begins one of the grandest spectacles of the insect kingdom, where thousands of male drones will compete to fertilize all the eggs she will ever lay. Truly, it is the most wondrous of all of nature's gangbangs.
Unfortunately for the males, there are a couple of complications.
Massive heebie-jeebies, for one.
First, once the queen lands, she's done with men for life. So if they're ever going to get it on, they have to do it in flight via a complicated docking maneuver wherein they employ an extended penile apparatus known as an endophallus -- basically a giant bee dong. It's kind of like Top Gun, when Maverick connects up to the tanker plane for mid-air refueling, only if he had to fight off Goose, Iceman and thousands of other pilots trying to do the same thing, too, and all with his waggling dick out in the air.
So basically, it's exactly like Top Gun.
The other bees just make do with Pearl Harbor.
Second, since this is all about getting his DNA passed on to the next generation, the male bee also has to stop the other fellas from getting a go afterward. Well, how the hell is he supposed to manage that? He doesn't exactly have pockets! Damn, if only he had something on him exactly the right size and shape to fit inside a female's genitalia that he could just shove in there and leave behi-- oh, dear God.
In one moment of terrifyingly profound masculinity, a male bee's first and only orgasm is so powerful that it blows his penis clean off, neatly plugging the queen.
This is just about ready to turn into a children's illustrated book.
Say what you will about the horror of the process, but when a queen honeybee gets fucked, she stays fucked.
For more animals that got the shaft, check out 6 Formerly Kickass Creatures Ruined by Evolution. Or learn about the 7 Animals That Are Evolving Right Before Our Eyes.
And stop by LinkSTORM to discover which columnist was screwed by evolution.
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