Every douchebag knows that a woman who isn't capable of partaking in 45 seconds of unbridled passion at the drop of a dime is of no use to anyone. And nothing kills the sex quite like the untimely arrival of a woman's period.
As a man with a minimum of three girlfriends in constant rotation at all times, it's essential that you not be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Namely, you don't want to be caught anywhere with any woman who isn't willing to bone but is more than willing to tell you about her wacky cats for six hours on a Saturday night. Knowing who among your harem is currently menstruating is invaluable information in a situation like this.
With that in mind, we'd like to introduce any practicing manwhores in the audience to the period tracker.
We are so very, very sorry for showing you this.
Great news, there's two of these creepy things! If the above screen shot of the iAmAMan period tracker seems a little bit less than classy, wait until you read what the developers have to say about the Harem Periods Tracker (broken English left in for comedy purposes) ...
Just pretend this is a Photoshop. You'll be happier that way.
"Do not waste your time. You will always know if your girlfriend bleeding today. Are you popular with the girls? Are you familiar with the situation when you invite a girl for a date and at the end of the evening you hear: 'Sorry, but I have "special days"?' Then this application is for you. It will help you to be aware of 'special days' of your girlfriends and you will never make a mistake by inviting 'wrong' girl to the date. Just add all your girlfriends and do not forget to mark sometimes when they had 'critical days.' The application will automatically calculate the period and will let you know when your girlfriends will have the next critical days as well as will recommend you, whom you should visit."
"Hey, just calling to let you know I'll be out of town for about a week. Yeah, again."
It should go without saying that if you're a particularly irresponsible douchebag, this app is even more essential for you. The only words that kill a boner faster than "menstrual cycle" are "I'm pregnant." If you can't be bothered to use caution, at least download this app and check it religiously. The last thing the world needs is another you, douchebag.
Benjamin Buso lives in Texas and is plugging his friends' awesome website.
For more relationship items that make us weep, check out Stupidity Digest: 1516 Ways to Kill The Romance and 4 Romantic Books to Disgust and Annoy Your Lover.