Actually, no, that's not quite correct, because they did suggest a surefire way to avoid hangover symptoms: abstinence or moderation. Ahahaha! Shit! Sorry, what were we saying again?
It turns out that there is a cure, and a wondrous one at that: the bacon sandwich. And no, as far as we're aware this isn't some marketing team-up between the world's breweries and pork farmers -- there's totally legit science involved.
Sandwich science is obviously the best kind of science.
Those findings were the result of British-led research that came just a few years after the British-led research that said there was no such thing as a hangover cure, leading us to assume that the Brits, being the world's most hungover people, are simply desperate for a cure.
It turns out that the hangover-slaying superpowers of the bacon sandwich are a happy accident of its two constituent ingredients, bacon and bread. The bread is loaded with carbohydrates, while the bacon is full of protein that the body breaks down into amino acids, an important player in your body's overall level of feelgoodness. And while we've shown you before that drinking doesn't kill your brain cells, booze does cause you to lose neurotransmitters, i.e., those chemicals in your brain that allow you to do things like think and breathe and control your innate desire to dance the sexiest version of the robot possible. But the amino-rich wonder-food that is bacon tops those right back up, helping to clear up that feeling that gremlins came in the middle of the night and replaced your brain with a pincushion.
"Time to go perform some surgeries and then get my drink on again."
So add it all up and it means that, so long as you remember to stock up on bacon and bread beforehand, you can feel free to get tanked without fearing the repercussions. Assuming you trust yourself to fry splattering, greasy food while your head feels like John Bonham's bass drum during a never-ending drum solo, that is. So maybe go with that precooked bacon -- you know, the kind you just pop in the microwave? We're sure it's just as effective, despite the fact that it tastes like it's flavored with the tears of baby pigs.
Find more from Pauli Poisuo at Year of the Fat Bastard or follow him on Twitter. You can read more from Adam at his site.
For more myths you believe like a damned fool, check out 5 Ridiculous Sex Myths From History (You Probably Believe) and 5 Ridiculous Animal Myths That You Probably Believe.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The 4 Goofiest Curses from the Bible.
And stop by LinkSTORM to discover the truth about hairy palms.
And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed.
Do you have an idea in mind that would make a great article? Then sign up for our writers workshop! Do you possess expert skills in image creation and manipulation? Mediocre? Even rudimentary? Are you frightened by MS Paint and simply have a funny idea? You can create an infographic and you could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow!
We have some bad news: weight loss is all about the calories, you don't need eight glasses of water per day and your favorite book sellers are now taking pre-orders for a text book written and illustrated entirely by the Cracked team! Hitting shelves in October, Cracked's De-Textbook is a fully-illustrated, systematic deconstruction of all of the bullshit you learned in school.
It's loaded with facts about history, your body, and the world around you that your teachers didn't want you to know. And as a bonus? We'll explain the kinkiest sex acts ever described in the Bible.