"Heyyy, Kevin," (for the purposes of this speech your name is Kevin). "It's the real world calling. COLLECT. Yeah. It's this thing we had before cell phones. It's just- listen, shut up. I just wanted to call and let you know that this isn't Playpen 101 at Babies Academy anymore -- this is the real world, and in the real world, we play hardball. And fastball. And we take it to the limit, and also I'm not here to make friends. Look to your left. Look to your right. One of those people thinks that I am joking right now about taking fastball to the limit without making friends. Now, decide which one you think it is and punch that person in the junk-bag. Congratulations. You just passed your first pop quiz." CUH-LICK.
Unless you're actually still at Babies Academy, in which case just knock this douche right over.
Wow, Kevin, it sounds like the real world is pretty serious! Lucky for you you've got a pretty cool tutor to guide you through everything you need to know about surviving the real world. Me. I mean me. I'm the cool tutor. Seriously, Kevin, if you actually existed I would just crush your junk-bag right now. OK, here we go.