Really, what is there to say about the Hulkster? A freaking lot, judging by the astounding length of his Wikipedia entry.
Should you, out of curiosity or some other strange compulsion, copy and paste this monstrosity into Microsoft Word, you'll be rewarded with 30 pages of spectacular information that will, under no circ*mstances, serve you any use whatsoever. Here's a heaping spoonful of knowledge:
" Hogan was portrayed as a real-life superhero while reaching out to young fans. The consummate role model, he was named the most requested celebrity of the 1980s for the Make-a-Wish Foundation children's charity. As a result, Hogan transformed the business into a sports entertainment spectacle that appealed to prime-time audiences of all ages and backgrounds."
Pictured: a real-life superhero.
So, the lesson here is that if you thought Hulk Hogan was just some wrestler, you were stupid. You were really, really stupid, because Hogan is the consummate role model, and he probably healed every one of those dying kids with his bare hands. Yes, we could all take a page from Hulk's book. But not even a superhero of Hogan's might can last forever, as he was eventually defeated (albeit with a little help from a fireball):
"The hard-fought bout came to its close when a "Japanese photographer" (actually a disguised Harvey Wippleman) got on the apron and distracted Hogan, before shooting some sort of fireball out of the camera and into Hogan's face. This was followed by Yokozuna hitting a leg drop on Hogan for the pin. After his victory, Yokozuna proceeded to give Hogan a Banzai Drop amidst the crying children and cursing adults."
We can still taste the tears.
Everyone remembers what they were doing the day Hulk Hogan was tragically defeated before his time, and the author of this piece does a commendable job of setting the scene of that fateful day and hard-fought bout. The crying children. The cursing adults. We may never know the answer as to how exactly Hogan's mustache survived that treacherous fireball-to-the-face, but some knowledge is better left unclaimed.
"Hogan frequently referred to his fans as "Hulkamaniacs" in his interviews and introduced his three "demandments": training, saying prayers, and eating vitamins. Eventually, a fourth demandment (believing in oneself) was added following his feud with Earthquake in the 1990s."
Pictured: Hulk Hogan, believing in himself.
So, we now see that to become a Hulkamaniac is actually a considerable amount of work. But, in the end, following the four demandments always pays off, and who knows? It might just save your life.
"Well, it seems that you have few skills and no experience... but, since you're a Hulkamaniac, welcome aboard!
For more celebrity disgrace, check out The Top 10 Celebrity Sex Videos Nobody Wanted to See. Or check out the bats**t actions of your favorite musicians in The 6 Most (Certifiably) Insane Tales of Rock Star Behavior.