Dave Imboden
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We want to take a moment to alert the public about some of the most egregious false advertising we've ever seen. We're talking of course about movies we put on our Netflix queue under the assumption they were porn, based on their grossly misleading titles.
What's even more insidious is that each film had scenes and lines of dialog that really got our hopes up that we were about to see some hardcore action. Here are a few of the movies we're naming in our upcoming lawsuit:
The lines that got our hopes up:
GARY
"Is it just me or does the jungle make you really, really horny?"
WARREN
"Asshole in one."
The lines that got our hopes up:
CLAIRE
"Pick up any dudes yet?"
JODY
"I have one in the trunk!"
The lines that got our hopes up:
SALESPERSON
"Need any help with some underpants, sir?
FRANK CASTLE
"It won't hurt at first."
JOAN
"He hasn't slept all week."
BUMPO
"How do you know?"
JOAN
"'Cause I haven't slept all week."
The lines that got our hopes up:
BOB
"Not hard enough."
DONNIE
"Movement. Two men. Approximately ... 40 goats."
The lines that got our hopes up:
PLAINVIEW
"I do my own drilling and the men that work for me, work for me and they are men I know. I make it my business to be there and see to their work. I don't lose my tools in the hole.
"I did what your brother couldn't. I broke you and I beat you."
"I'm finished."
The lines that got our hopes up:
LT. MARKINSON
"I want you to know that I am proud neither of what I have done, nor of what I am doing."
GALLOWAY
"Are you planning on doing any investigating, or are you just gonna take the guided tour?"
KAFFEE
"I'm pacing myself."
The lines that got our hopes up:
ZIG-ZAG
"He's not going to take it. Come here--eat the cookie."
MAGNET
"Pick a hole, any hole."
The lines that got our hopes up:
WESTON
"What is that haunting aroma?"
ANN
"You ease up on him."
LADY
"Look at the size of this bad boy, huh?"
The lines that got our hopes up:
ODONE
"Dr. Nikolias, what about the other boys, what results are you seeing in them?"
"Michaela, the doctors are in the dark. They're groping in the dark."
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The lines that got our hopes up:
JACK |
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And finally, one we were relieved wasn't porn ...
The lines that made us call the police:
SONNY
"Having a kid is great ... as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or speaking."
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