Then, if you beat the whole game, unlocking every secret, you get to lightsaber George Lucas. Just screams and burning flannel, man, I'm telling you.
DC vs. Marvel Superhero Brawl
Us survivors of the Cold War know one thing: If superpower ever meets superpower, everybody in the vicinity is getting fucked up. Therefore, any game that features superheroes fighting that doesn't also feature them knocking down entire buildings with each errant blow, is nothing but filthy digital lie. See THIS VIDEO for evidence:
Further research can be found in the climax of Matrix: Revolutions.
That's why Superhero Brawl gives you 10 city blocks to annihilate. If you want to damage Iron Man, you got to fling his ass through a building ...
... and if you really want to damage him, throw him through the foundation and make the freaking building collapse on top of him. Throw him into a tanker truck hauling rocket fuel, throw him into the core of a nuclear reactor and trigger a meltdown.
Do it right, and the last minute of each fight will look like a nuclear aftermath, smoke and rubble stretching to the horizon.
This is the scale of game Sony implied the PS3 could pull off during their ridiculous hype campaign. Let's see if they can live up to it.
World War Omega
This is the Combined Arms Simulator PC gamers have been dreaming about from the first time a shot was fired in anger over a modem. A sprawling world war, a Battlefield 2 but with one gargantuan, persistent map that everybody plays on.
There'll be AI units to do grunt jobs like holding positions and supply lines. There'll be RPG elements like statistics, character growth, and chain of command "guilds."
And, Normandy-sized invasions with 5,000 players.
Screenshot by Mortal Wombat
Oh, hell yeah.
Give the Chinese control of one army and the United States control of the other, and we'll fight all of our wars this way. Nobody gets hurt except the millions of neglected girlfriends.
Total Kung Fu
This is for all of us who secretly think those Dance Dance Revolution style rhythm games look like fun but fear they'll threaten our sexuality.
Total Kung Fu has the same frantic, spastic stepping and flailing as DDR ...
... only instead of dance moves, your movements are translated to vicious, bone-crunching kicks and punches.