First there are the self-serious, pseudo cinema verite, shitty Rocky films. These are the Rockys in which events have consequences. The Rockys in which Rocky loses. In which Rocky is poor. These are the Rocky films that actually acknowledge the fact that, in all likelihood, Rocky Balboa is mentally retarded.
The universally despised fifth installment was this sort of Rocky and so was the overrated original. Yeah, we know that you "film buffs" claim to like the first one the best. "It encounters human suffering in a way that is brave and unwavering," you say.
The fists say "victory", the eyes say "LiveJournal".
Well, how about I stand over your cubicle and try to blow myself for 90 straight minutes? That would be brave and unwavering, but it wouldn't be fun to watch, would it? If Rocky VI is the Shitty Self-Serious Rocky it will play out something like this:
Synopsis of Shitty Self Serious Rocky VI:
Before the film starts, Adrian dies in a car crash, or of ovarian cancer or in a car crash caused by ovarian cancer. At the funeral, Rocky's son comes out of the closet, forcing the aging boxer to confront his out-dated aversion to homosexuals. At some point, Rocky gets into a boxing match that he either wins while at the same time losing in life, or loses while at the same time winning in life. You, the audience, go home and beat your spouse.