We asked some of Howard's regular guests (along with super-fan Mark Mercer, of MarksFriggin.com) to play show-and-tell with CRACKED and share their favorite memories from the old era, plus give us predictions for the new one. As we expected, the responses were classy, understated and tasteful. Greg Fitzsimmons, Ron Zimmerman, Joey Boots, Mark Mercer and Reverend Bob Levy spill their guts to us like they've never spilled 'em before.
Stand-up comedian, Vh1's I Love the"Â¦ series
"It wasn't until I met my wife, and her enthusiasm for the show got me listening every day. I couldn't tell why I couldn't stop listening. Years later, after Jackie left and they were looking for a replacement, I was invited in a number of times to audition on the air. I was petrified because I didn't know if this was a set-up. It was not. Howard treated me with respect that day and every time I went in afterwards (over 25 times).
"The reason why I can't stop listening to the show can be summed up by an interview he did with a guy who had been held as a slave in Africa for, like, 20 years. He was now doing a press junket to tell the world about the atrocities of modern slavery. It was really upsetting. Then Howard started asking the guy about sex as a slave. The guy didn't really understand why Howard would want to know about this, but once Howard had brought it up, it was the ONLY thing you wanted to know about. I had to pull my car off the highway, I was laughing so hard. It was so wrong and yet somehow it was OK. It was honest. It was something that you might really wonder about, and Howard unflinchingly asked about it."
"I personally look forward to Howard bringing back the Homo Room where everyone would be gay with each other. I ain't no fag, but I find gay stuff to be really damn funny. When I was a starving actor living in LA in the early '90s , I did gay phone sex for 10 bucks an hour, which gave me a great insight into the very funny and twisted gay community at large. My favorite callers were the ones who wanted to dominate me 'cause all I had to do was say, 'Yes, Master' and moan. I hope my mother doesn't read this... I told her I did telemarketing."
Stand-up comedian, writer
"I met Howard when I was 19. He was doing his show in DC and I was doing stand-up in a small club. He came up to me after the show and said he couldn't believe I was for real. I said the same about him. We hit it off and have been pals all these years. I think other than Jackie, I was the first stand-up that was a guest. He and I were amazed at all the chicks that sent him nude pics; he had a drawer full. We are both actually very shy, so this was a shy guy's paradise. When he did the traffic report, I said it was all a lie and there was no real helicopter. He put me on the six-second delay after that. Then we discussed members, calling our penises 'Little Howard' and 'Little Ron' like Elvis called his 'Little Elvis.'
"I happen to be the only guest that ever was on during the news that was funny enough for them to show the news on the E! show-which was never done before or since. I walked into the studio in a Spider-Man costume three months before the first movie came out. I was also busted my first day for drinking in the studio."
Webmaster of Stern fan site MarksFriggin.com
"I realized just how far the censorship had gone when listening to 'The Best of Howard Stern' during the last week of shows in December. The term 'Winter Bush' was bleeped during a rerun of an old show. Winter Bush? How is that indecent? Most people don't even know what the term means, yet Infinity Broadcasting (now CBS Radio) is so afraid of the FCC that they have to bleep a very clean term that refers to ungroomed pubic hair. What happened to the days when only the seven dirty words were off limits?
"On January 3, Howard was talking to his team during a live, on-air test of his equipment, about how he doesn't want them to go overboard with the use of the C-word or F-bombs. It's not going to be the filth-fest as some people think it will be, but they're not going to worry about the context of their discussions or if a "dirty word" is said. I want to hear Howard and his crew speak like adults instead of censoring themselves or having the dump button hit by management."
Reverend Bob Levy
"What I'm looking forward to is being myself on there. I'm a filthy motherfucker and have tons of crazy stories I can't tell on boring radio, so on Sirius I will show a new side of me"Â¦ A more fucked-up version of what I was on regular radio. I just can't wait to get over there I'm almost as excited as Howard is and I thank him for giving me the chance to really let go over there and a bigger role. I owe him everything and I will never forget it. See ya' fuckers on the other side sooner than you think... Enjoy."
By Darren Kane
Bawitdaba, pass the green beans.
It's hard out there for millionaire purveyors of garbage pizza.