CRACKED Profiles: Spanky

This globetrotting comedian has played a wacky orderly, a homeless man and a plain ol' crazy fuck on a variety of television programs. Now' it' Spanky' turn to sit down with us and really embarrass himself.

NAME: Steven Kent McFarlin (a.k.a. "Spanky")

CURRENT BASE OF OPERATIONS: Western Hemisphere — New York City, USA; Eastern Hemisphere — Amsterdam, Holland.

BUT I'M ORIGINALLY FROM: Austin, TX

YOU KNOW ME FROM: "I was a wacky orderly on ER, a crazy guy on Profiler and,
in the movie High School High, I played a homeless man who sets up a booth at Career Day. I'm also known for being censored for talking dirty to Heather Locklear on The Late Show and for knocking Rick Rockwell out of the semifinals on Star Search. Oh yes, I've also performed at over 500 comedy clubs and colleges, twice voted 'Comic Of The Year.'"

MY FIRST TIME ON STAGE: "I was a male dancer in Dallas; I was fired for having my G-string on backwards (and it fit). I was going to quit anyway, because some women thought it was funny to tip me with dollar bills dipped in BenGay."
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BEST GIG I EVER HAD: "The Jenny McCarthy Show paid me to be a patron of a strip club, and Jenny gave me a lapdance."

CROWD I'M MOST LIKELY TO BOMB IN FRONT OF: "Cruise ships, because my comedy is too edgy for all the old people (actually, parents of old people)."

CITY OR STATE THAT I'D MOST LIKE TO SEE WIPED OFF THE MAP: Newark, New Jersey

MOVIE I COULDN'T BELIEVE EVER GOT MADE: "Indecent Proposal. Demi Moore has to be paid a million dollars to sleep with Robert Redford when she bangs Bruce Willis and boys half her age for free?"

CURRENT CELEBRITY MASTURBATION FODDER: "I believe sex between consenting adults is a beautiful thing-I'd like to have sex between the Olsen twins."

PERSONAL DREAM PROJECT: "I quit touring and the audience comes to me."

IF I WASN'T DOING COMEDY, I'D BE: "A millionaire TV evangelist, because I believe in a God. (God to me is like a female orgasm, I believe in it, but I can't prove it exists.)"

FINE, I'LL ADMIT IT: "Jenny McCarthy actually played a stripper/dental hygienist, and while she gave me a lapdance she was flossing her teeth and wrapping the used floss around my head. I saved the floss and gave it to my friends, who probably abused it in some perverted manner because it had been in Jenny McCarthy' mouth."

Spanky' website is www.menaresluts.com and make friends with him if you dare at www.myspace.com/campuscomic
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