CRACKED Profiles: Geno Bisconte

NAME

Geno Bisconte

CURRENT BASE OF OPERATIONS

Brooklyn, NY

YOU KNOW ME FROM

Regular MC at Caroline' in NYC, opener for Opie and Anthony' Jim Norton, as well as Howard Stern' Artie Lange and Reverend Bob Levy. Also recently appeared on ABC' 20/20.

MY FIRST TIME ON STAGE

I absolutely CRUSHED because it was a small club, I was a banker at the time, and 150 people came out to see me. So while I'm thinking I'm the second coming of Nipsey Russell, I'm booking myself the following week in Philly where I knew nobody except my then fiancée and our five friends. I bombed so badly that an elderly woman grabbed my shoulder as I got off stage and said, "It' okay." I was embarrassed for thinking comedy was so easy and more importantly couldn't wait to get back on stage and do things right.

BEST GIG I EVER HAD

I'm sorry but I honestly like doing the fire halls as much as the thousand-seaters. In fact, sometimes the smaller ones are more rewarding because you can put the face with the laughter. But all that hokey shit aside... any comic who knows me will tell you how much I like the bomb sets. Once I did a show at a college in Western PA and I went on in front of 1000 black people. Now normally I do great in front of black crowds, but not when they sandwich a comedy show between a two-hour STOMP competition and an after party. The emcee brings me up after his ten minutes of being stared at by people who were blaming anyone on stage for stopping their contest... then when I came up they started leaving -- I don't mean two here or three there... they were leaving in groups of 50! I felt like a purser on The Titanic trying to assure people everything would be fine. The best part was a buddy of mine was actually there to witness it. I told him then and there this would come to be his favorite show of mine and to this day we still laugh about it!

CROWD I'M MOST LIKELY TO BOMB IN FRONT OF

Any crowd composed of all white people. I do a lot of jokes about race and religion and if uptight white people can't see a black guy laughing to validate that it' okay, they then just kinda pucker up their assholes and wince. But put one laughing black guy in the front and these idiots go nuts... I wish they could see just how racist that is! In any case... I say it in my act, "One black guy makes it funny... two black people"¦that' a situation!"

CITY OR STATE THAT I'D MOST LIKE TO SEE WIPED OFF THE MAP

Washington DC. No, I'm not some anarchist, but politics annoy me. I have no solutions but I know that I have never killed anyone and I take responsibility for all of my actions. Yes, it' preachy and idealistic, but it' the only way I know how to live. That place is just rhetoric, anger, and humidity -- all three of which chafe my sac.

MOVIE I COULDN'T BELIEVE EVER GOT MADE

Kangaroo Jack. I don't know what' harder to believe: a kangaroo rapping or trusting a black guy with $50,000. C'mon!

CURRENT CELEBRITY MASTURBATION FODDER

I actually love Gina Lynn. But lately I have some leftover pics from my ex that I've been using to pay "tribute" to her. What can I say, I'm a sentimental guy. (Relax, Sonya, they will NEVER be made available to the public).

PERSONAL DREAM PROJECT

It'd be a TV version of my live comedy show called It' Geno (forgive the name, it just kinda stuck) -- the deconstruction of the simplest jokes and the passion comics have to live this ridiculous life. I use my good friends who are in the middle of everything -- who don't have incredible careers behind them YET. Sure I had Jim Norton, Jim Florentine, Jim Gaffigan and Robert Kelly"¦but I also have newer guys that are just so incredible and close to blowing up and that I am huge fans of. If you've never heard of Dustin Chafin or Joe Rocha, I have clips of them that will make you laugh so hard and think so much that you'll look at comics with a deeper respect than ever.

IF I WASN'T DOING COMEDY, I'D BE"¦

Probably just bartending and settled down with a normal family, working on the book I keep fooling myself I'm going to write. But for now, I'm pretty happy with the pieces I've been putting on my journal' webpage. And they date back to 1997... so don't think of me as one of those fly by night blogger geeks... even though I probably was one of the first!

FINE, I'LL ADMIT IT...

I'm addicted to chick music and I'm a hopeless romantic. I want that scene at the end of Breakfast at Tiffany' in the rain holding a cat and kissing Audrey Hepburn, or Richard Gere at the end of Pretty Woman, or Raskolnikoff and Sonya at the end of Crime and Punishment"¦of course writing this will probably prevent this from ever happening. (Editor' Note: Ironically, on stage Geno calls other people fags!)

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Sappy Geno can be found on the web at genobisconte.com, and he' of course on MySpace.