CRACKED Profiles: Dexter Stallworth

NAME: Dexter Stallworth



YOU KNOW ME FROM: "The one commercial I did, and if you have a VCR with a slow motion button, you could see me as an extra in many films."

MY FIRST TIME ON STAGE: "At the original Improvisation in Hell's Kitchen. It was like sex for the first time. I was terrified and nervous, but I still kept going and it was over too soon."

BEST GIG I EVER HAD: "Any gig where everyone is laughing."

CROWD I'M MOST LIKELY TO BOMB IN FRONT OF: "All my ex-girlfriends. They know me too well."
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CITY OR STATE THAT I'D MOST LIKE TO SEE WIPED OFF THE MAP: "There's two: South Dakota and West Virginia. South Dakota because it is not really south; it' in the upper Midwest. They should either just call it one giant North Dakota or they should change the names to Upper Dakota and Lower Dakota. West Virginia because it' not really very far west. It should be called 'Virginia to the Left' or 'Left Virginia.'"

MOVIE I COULDN'T BELIEVE EVER GOT MADE: The Wizard of Oz. "They see all of this weird and amazing stuff on their way to see the Wizard, and yet they never manage to see any black people. Could you imagine the pitch meeting? A house falls on a bad witch, the lead character has to follow a yellow brick road, she runs across a talking Scarecrow, Lion and Tin Man, they all go by Munchkins and see flying witches and after all that, they see nobody black."
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CURRENT CELEBRITY MASTURBATION FODDER: "My Top 3: Beyoncé, because she' dating a guy from Brooklyn and I'm from Brooklyn. He' a rapper, I listen to rap and she' got me going crazy right now. Halle Berry, because she says the ultimate line, 'Make me feel good.' Janet Jackson, for making every Super Bowl Halftime Show pale in comparison."

PERSONAL DREAM PROJECT: "To be in a movie where Beyoncé, Halle Berry and Janet Jackson are all chasing after me and they get me. And I'd also waive my $20 million fee to do this project because I care about my craft."
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IF I WASN'T DOING COMEDY, I'D BE: ""¦the funniest salesman in a retail store."

FINE, I'LL ADMIT IT: "I was Beyoncé' jump-off, but I was tired of playing second fiddle, so I had to cut her off. And I was the second shooter on the grassy knoll."

Dexter is a friendly guy. Find out for yourself by adding him on MySpace "Dexter on MySpace"