I HOPE YOU GOT A MAGICAL POTION FOR HOT LEAD
At the scene of a Dungeons & Dragons game gone bad, the offending geek (Patton Oswalt) explains why he unloaded his longbow into his friend's shoulder. It gets more insane when Junior-a closeted D&D expert-agrees with the geek, "Oh, well there's only the three points protection there." The geek continues, "I live in a world of cold steel and dungeons." Garcia agrees, although his dungeon is at the Reno County Jail with its own dragon, Nick the Grip. The geek tries to flee with his "boots of escaping," but Garcia's pumps a "bullet of stopping" into his back.
Responding to a sobbing man's pleas that his cancer ridden dog is suffering, Deputy Garcia (Carlos Alazraqui) does what appears to be the humane thing, giving the pooch a hilarious, "Hey buddy, how you doing?" before squeezing off a round into it's head Old Yeller-style. The man's plot to get rid of his neighbor's dog is brilliant, as is Garcia's frenzied, deer-in-the-headlights reaction.
As Deputy Clementine Johnson (Wendi McLendon-Covey, who we interview today) puts an audibly slurring drunk through the standard sobriety tests, it becomes increasingly clear that the suspect is the type of drunk we all think we are: one who gets more lucid, instead of more impaired, with each drink. He rattles off the alphabet backwards quicker than any non MENSA member could say it forwards, turns a simple line walk into a Zoolander-worthy strut and executes a dance move called the "barrel roll" with accuracy that'd tear most men's crotch, before admitting that he normally can't dance-he's "just drunk."