Believe it or not, only a small percentage of the emergency calls placed to the TBS Funny Hotline get made into commercials. Here are a few that didn't make the cut.
I'm half Irish, so whenever I'm at a bar picking up chicks, I always say, "Hey, do you have any Irish in you? Do you want some?" Am I funny, or what?TBS:
Are you wearing Velcro shoes? Caller:
Yes, how did...TBS:
And I can only assume a Big Johnson T-Shirt? Caller:
They only had XL but I usually wear a medium. TBS:
Sir, reach around behind you. There should be a sign on your back"Â¦Caller:
It says I'm retarded. TBS:
Actually sir, you're legally retarded and prior to this call were unaware of that fact. Congratulations, that is very funny. Just probably not to you.
Yes, I'm profoundly sad.
The only way for my wife and I to properly explain sex to our kids is by making love in front of them.TBS:
So we finally get them in the room, and we're about to do it, but I can't get my dick hard. My wife' disappointed, the kids are bored and the goddamn dog won't stop barking. Funny?TBS:
How big is your dog?Caller:
He' a full-grown puggle, a pug and a beagle hybrid, so pretty small.TBS:
Not so funny. A bigger, soaking wet dog would have been perfect. Get a lab, hose him down, and call us back.