20 Possible Reasons The American Idol Girl Was Crying

Her name is Ashley Ferl, and her Weeping Mug snagged America's heart like a baby down a well. But what could cause anyone to cry this hard for the entire taping of a live two-hour show?

You probably won't be surprised to learn that we have several guesses.

  • She has an enormous crush on Sanjaya, and realizes that this probably means she is doomed to an adulthood being attracted to men who aren't "interested" in her "type"
  • Rather than warming up the crowd with the usual stand up comedian, Idol producers decided to use a pack of wolves ravaging her younger brother instead.
  • Sadly, she is completely insane.
  • She is allergic to scripted banter intended to dispel the notion that Ryan Seacrest is gay.
  • The producers are holding her mother hostage
  • She hates America
  • Just really, really surprised by Sanjaya's new hairstyle.
  • She is from the 1960s or one of those countries where Michael Jackson is still popular, and thus believes that weeping is an appropriate response to live musical performances.
  • There is an unhappy Lobster in her pants
  • Shortly before the show began, an usher told her that Randy had once been a member of the band "Journey"
  • The first minute was pretty much just the excitement. But once the camera showed her she realized that the remainder of her school life was going to be an unspeakable torment
  • Weeping for the countless teenage boys who have to watch Sanjaya each week instead of his large breasted sister.
  • The first minute was pretty much just the excitement. Then she realized that all of this could only lead to one place: Oprah.
  • The IHOP in her hometown closed, leaving her lost on Sunday mornings
  • Her uterine wall was shedding, causing a hormonal sea change we can't even begin to comprehend.
  • She just found out that Western Union stopped sending telegrams so she can't communicate with her relatives in the Ozarks anymore.
  • Chlamydia tends to bring out the worst in people.
  • Simon promised he wouldn't give her a Harry Houdini, but he did it anyway.
  • She is very, very excited to be seeing American Idol Live.
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