The one thing you know about a John Callipari-coached team is that his kids will be as focused on the books as they are on the tournament. Speaking of which, I think DaJuan Wagner just tried to sell me weed in the parking lot.
Too easy. Pass.
ArkansasDespite a solid season under fourth year head coach Stan Heath, the Razorbacks are still primarily remembered for winning a title under a man with the worst skin in the history of human faces.
Little known fact #1: While they're probably not getting past the second round, the Bucknell Bison win the award for team name that sounds most like a gay bar. Little known fact #2: This small Pennsylvania university is actually more like high school than most high schools.
After a hard-fought loss in the Big East finals, Panther coach Jamie Dixon asked another Pittsburgh coach, the Super Bowl champion Steelers' Bill Cowher, to come in as a guest speaker to boost morale. Remarkably, seven Panthers survived.
The last time Kent State had shooters this deadly, the Ohio National Guard was picking off beatniks and hippies.
KansasThe Jennifer Anniston of the NCAA tournament, the Jayhawks watched coach Roy Williams leave them for flashy, big lipped UNC only to win the championship that he could never win with them. Also, Kansas' film career is a disaster.
Got into the tournament by defeating Timmy University, Gregory State and Sandy College in the "Gay Names for Men Conference" Tournament.
If the state of Indiana were a person, it'd be the guy on your CYO team who always talked about how he loves the game of basketball but actually sucks shit. Contrary to the film Hoosiers, Indiana is not the home to hoops. In fact, an Indiana team, pro or college, hasn't won a championship in years.
San Diego State
While getting blown-out, can take solace in quietly reminding Indiana players that they live in San Diego.
Were on National TV every night due to Adam Morrison's moustache and jump shot, making this team a favorite among insomniac men who like to slow dance with adolescents to Air Supply.
Much respect to the Committee for giving Xavier McDaniel one last chance to win it all. However, odds are he won't advance pat the first round.
Other than Wichita State, the Golden Eagles are the only team in this year' tournament named after a pornographic act. This pick tells co-workers, "I enjoy being peed on by transvestites."
The Crimson Tide haven't won a national championship in a sport other than basketball since the late 1930s, when they won three consecutive NCAA Mulatto Kicking Championships.
Once a national powerhouse, UCLA's success began to fade in the late 90s, when players began having to deal with distractions like pre-game gang-bangs with Tara Reid.
Already recognized as the least impressive of the Triple Crown races, we have no reason to believe a horse race can make any noise in the tournament. I mean, how would they even fit 11 live racehorses onto a basketball court? Someone's bound to get hurt. This is ridiculous.
The Huskies plan to follow in the footsteps of other Connecticut athletic dynasties such as the Hartford Whalers and the"Â¦ well, that's it.
Albany got to the tournament by beating a team you've never heard of, another team you've never heard of and a team no one's ever heard of. Impressive, no?