You know the guys on this squad get laid all the time rolling around to bars going, "Yea, baby, I play for UNC." According to Wikipedia, notable alumni include, and are limited to, the Cleveland Indian's pitching coach and a professional basketball player in the Czech Republic.
People are excited about Shaq's alma mater because an obese black man is on the team again this year. It should be noted that Indiana State has had a redneck with a blonde moustache every year since Larry Bird graduated, and they haven't been making a whole lot of noise.
Best known for a recent accident in which cheerleader Kristi Yamaoka fell off a human pyramid during a conference tournament victory and broke her neck, the Salukis plan on breaking a cheerleaders' neck before every tournament game for good luck.
Even with Steve Alford at the helm, and even with a BIG TEN tournament victory under its belt, Iowa just can't seem to shake its label as the school AC Slater wanted to attend on a wrestling scholarship.
Unlike UCLA and UC San Diego, UC Berkeley' basketball team refuses to acknowledge where in California they are from, probably because being from a city full of Google programmers and coffee-drinking lesbians isn't that intimidating.
Ivy League champion Penn is a 15 seed this year, officially becoming the first member of the NCAA Tournament's Pen15 club. Get it? "Pen15" looks like "penis!" This is the funniest thing since the University of 8====D appeared in the tourney back in '69, lead by captain Timothy Obvious.
The one thing you know about a John Callipari-coached team is that his kids will be as focused on the books as they are on the tournament. Speaking of which, I think DaJuan Wagner just tried to sell me weed in the parking lot.
Little known fact #1: While they're probably not getting past the second round, the Bucknell Bison win the award for team name that sounds most like a gay bar. Little known fact #2: This small Pennsylvania university is actually more like high school than most high schools.
After a hard-fought loss in the Big East finals, Panther coach Jamie Dixon asked another Pittsburgh coach, the Super Bowl champion Steelers' Bill Cowher, to come in as a guest speaker to boost morale. Remarkably, seven Panthers survived.
The last time Kent State had shooters this deadly, the Ohio National Guard was picking off beatniks and hippies.
KansasThe Jennifer Anniston of the NCAA tournament, the Jayhawks watched coach Roy Williams leave them for flashy, big lipped UNC only to win the championship that he could never win with them. Also, Kansas' film career is a disaster.
If the state of Indiana were a person, it'd be the guy on your CYO team who always talked about how he loves the game of basketball but actually sucks shit. Contrary to the film Hoosiers, Indiana is not the home to hoops. In fact, an Indiana team, pro or college, hasn't won a championship in years.
Already recognized as the least impressive of the Triple Crown races, we have no reason to believe a horse race can make any noise in the tournament. I mean, how would they even fit 11 live racehorses onto a basketball court? Someone's bound to get hurt. This is ridiculous.
Face it-there's only enough room for one team of Huskies to do well in this year's tournament, and that team is UConn. Remember what happened back in '39 when Harvard played Alabama? Two words-anal lice.
An affinity for the Illini often stems from an admiration of Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jordan and Al Capone, all admitted bisexuals. Pick Illinois if you want people to know that you are sexually promiscuous.
The Generals hail from the powerhouse Colonial Athletic Conference, which features such stiff competition as Georgia State and James Madison. Still, look for the generals to loose by 270 points to 6-seed Michigan State.
The Wichita State Shockers are known for surprising their opponents with backdoor cuts and jamming it in the hole, all while still plugging gaps on the other end. Also, their nick name is The Shockers which is like when you stick your pinky up a girls butt.
The only reason for picking Seton Hall is that you're from New Jersey, and if you're from New Jersey, your IQ is below 50 and you are in the Mafia. Ha, ha. Just kidding about that low IQ thing. How could a guy with such a nice Cadillac be-AAAHHHH!!!!!!
The South Carolina institution accepts students who couldn't get into the University of South Carolina or the Army out of high school. The State of South Carolina is actually considering legislation that would cut out the middle man and just go ahead and officially turn Winthrop into a state prison.
With his flashy suits, his luxurious timepieces, and his rugged good lucks, Villanova Coach Jay Wright reminds us a lot of a young Rock Hudson. Or Raymond Burr. Or Freddy Mercury. A real ladies man, that one.
We thought she was way too bossy and hypersensitive on the Real World Boston, and we doubt she'll be able to behave differently on a national stage. Especially since she's only one middle aged white lesbian playing against 5 enormous college students.
Located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean (we know this is true because our intern fact-checked it and he wasn't that stoned), the Tigers may be thrown off by playing on solid ground for the first time in their storied history that dates all the way back to their birth from the loins of Poseiden.
Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century. In fact, it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "getting smoked by Oklahoma in the first round."
With an enrollment of 48,184 the University of Florida is actually like a small city-a city with an economy feuled solely by tip frosting hair salons, barbed wire tattoo parlors and Venereal Disease clinics.
The Oprah of College Basketball, Georgetown is one of the whitest, wealthiest colleges in America, but embraces the African American community when it's in their best interest: NCAA basketball and break dancing.