The people have spoken! Reporting to the polls in numbers unprecedented for clichéd SportsCenter catchphrase tournaments, CRACKED readers cast their ballot for the 32 mouth turds they thought were at least marginally more aggravating than their opponents.
Drag your cursor over each phrase to see the results from Round 1. Then, cast your vote on the second round and check back next week for the Sweet 16 of Schtick!
Once we have a winner, CRACKED will send one lucky reader up to Bristol, CT where they will go on a hunger strike until the offending phrase has been wiped from the mouths of SportsCenter anchors forever more. And don't worry about registration, you already entered just by voting in Round 1!
The Baby is Due, And Dr. Griffey Delivers 3024-632
Responsible for an entire generation of stupid white men claiming to be bilingual despite the fact that they think Barcelona is an item on the Taco Bell Dollar menu.
Bichette Happens 2242-1340
Sounds more like something a 12-year-old yells their first time at the ballpark before catching a backhand from dad than what a professional journalist should be saying while on national television.
And He is MEAT 2336-1231
Blatant rip-off of South Park, demonstrates astounding lack of originality, which is exactly what this tournament is all about. We mock the autistic because, um, why again, exactly?
Run Forrest, Run! 1889-1667
ESPN' East Coast bias raises it's ugly head once again.
Cool as the Other Side of the Pillow
HASSAN CHOP 2971-644
Even Stuart Scott' nine-year-old son stopped saying this years ago.
Dial Nine for Long Distance 1807-1738
All in the delivery, this old standby is exclaimed by many but admired by few. Probably a little too well engrained in our dialect to be retired.
I am Kaiser Soze 2473-1074
Tries too hard, like your dad chaperoning your prom.
Aloha Means Goodbye
That Ball Has Been Voted Off the Island 2512-1083
Mentioned in every single baseball highlight for the entire 2002 baseball season, which, multiplied by the number of baseball games in a MLB season and the fact that there are 47 SportsCenters on every day, make this the most oft-repeated phrase in the history of the English language.
But That' Why They Play The Game
Got Nothin But Love for Ya' 2352-1181
Is that really why they play the game? What about the multi-million dollar contracts and ability to get blown at the drop of a hat? That probably has something to do with it, too.
Gotta be Sound in the Kicking Game
NoOne Does the Voodoo Like Pooh Do 1917-1561
My high school football coach said a lot of boring stuff, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go off repeating it on national TV.
It' a Fumble!
Swoosh Me 2502-881
Like "Goooaaaaal!" it's all in the delivery. The more vowels, the better.
Drop It Like It' Hot 2108-1402
Pretty tired, but is it a cliché if it' run into the ground by only one person? Yes.
Not All in One Play. That'd be a Record Or Something
He Get' Strong 2199-1241
Rhymes with what Mike Greenberg told his wife when she wanted to have sex twice in a 24-hour period.
And the Lord Said, You Got To Rise Up-A!
Might As Well Face it He' Addicted to Glove 2099-1431
When you're not sure if Stuart Scott said it or it came from the Bible, it should never be repeated.
It' Just Another Case of the Man Keeping Us Down
Circus Me! 2329-1131
Screamed by white guys narrating highlights of mostly black athletes. Yipes! Certainly wins for least appropriate invocation of the civil rights movement.
You Hang it, We Bang It 2279-1221
Wonderful in its simplicity. But should this elegant, understated phrase become-wait for it-waaaaait for it--gone?
He ... Could ... Go ... All ... The ... Way!
Freeze Frame 3208-404
Old standby that Gets"¦On"¦Our Fucking"¦NERVES!
Getting His Freak On
We're fine with SportsCenter borrowing phrases from Missy Elliott songs, we're just disappointed that they never quoted one of her early songs, "I Love Twinkies."
He Is Rico Suave
Falls in the category of things that are supposed to be clever because they are from the early 90s, like snap bracelets and "algebra."
Resistance Is Futile 2409-1056
Just a fun word to say, much more successful than it' first incarnation: Candy Land!
Dunk You Very Much
Getting Jiggy With It 1887-1580
Hard to drum up much enthusiasm one way or the other here, as it's clear that Kilbourn was hung-over and scrambling for lines the day he brought this one into the world.
You Can't Stop Him, You Can Only Hope to Contain Him
He' No Beanie Baby 2797-717
The only catchphrase lifted directly from a Joel Ostein sermon about the power of Christ.
Trees Died To Make That Bat 2182-1270
With both Rich Eisen and Billy Packer claiming authorship, this phrase proves the genetic theory that if both parents are retarded, the offspring will probably follow suit.
Back Back Back Back
It' A Cowhide Joyride 2959-545
Only the most gifted of sports journalists could coin this one, which states the direction in which someone is moving repeatedly.
He' Into Leather 3253-404
Please vote for this. We beg you. Dear god make it stop.
He Has Issues
Pick a Letter, Buy a Vowel, or Spin 2129-1353
Along with "talk to the hand," a holdover from the brief period in the early 90' when African American women were shitting out catchphrases like it was their job. A period that everyone, including African American women, agree is better left forgotten.
They're So Cute at that Age
More popular than Linda Cohen' other vaguely flirtatious catchphrase: I know he' only 21 but I'd suck him dry!
He Shoots, He Scores
He Goes Shopping at the GAP 2239-1123
ESPN' oldest catch phrase, "He Shoots, He Scores" recently developed a problem with adult incontinence.
Got 99 Problems But That Pitch Ain't One
Kickin' The Flavor 2330-1156
Can they saaaaay that?! I feel so naughty.
Say Hello To My Little Friend
Getting Giddy In The Zone 2973-556
Was already a worn out cliché by the time the anchors got their mitts on it. Like the movie that spawned it, basketball players and rappers everywhere inexplicably love this catchphrase.
That' Levitation, Holmes
None Shall Pass 2031-1436
Had sort of a cool CBA afro vibe before ESPN News graveyard shift anchors started butchering it.
Rumblin', Bumblin', Stumblin'
Umm...let' see, tumblin, fumblin, grumblin, jugglin"¦now can I be on national TV?