Tom Brady denied Dillon's claim the Patriots had thrown the game. "Of course not!" he insisted, stifling a laugh, "I just accidentally threw four interceptions to a team that had five total in the first seven games combined. And our corners just kind of forgot to defend Marvin Harrison too. Oh, man, this January is gonna be sweet!
Chiefs 31, Rams 17
Up to now, "The Battle for Missouri" has raised images of the Senatorial race and the question of whether Michael J. Fox was pretending to have Parkinson's or not. Sadly, this game followed a similar route when, after Kansas City running back Larry Johnson ran for 172 yards and a touchdown, conservative pundit Rush Limbaugh accused him of "acting like a great running back, out there shaking and breaking tackles, and just all over the place." When Limbaugh learned Johnson
, in fact, a very good running back, he apologized for accusing Johnson of "acting," and instead lamented how he was being exploited by Democrats.
"All around this country, listeners," he intoned, "there are Democrats who drafted Larry Johnson in their fantasy leagues, and every week he is handing them victories. Just handing them over! It is shameless, and if Democratic fantasy football players had any integrity they would bench Larry Johnson for the remainder of the season. Uh, Republicans may keep Johnson as an 'always play.'"
Johnson wasn't the only fantasy star for the Chiefs. Back up quarterback Damon Huard, who wouldn't even be playing if Trent Green hadn't been injured and who will be a free agent but whom no team would consider worthy of a starting role, connected with Tony Gonzalez and Kris Wilson for a total of three touchdowns, putting him in the rarefied air of the greatest quarterbacks in the NFL today.
Redskins 22, Cowboys 19
Any Washington or Dallas fan will tell you there are few rivalries as intense or as exciting as the Redskins versus the Cowboys. Unfortunately, Fox programming executives listened to those fans without bothering to consider their obvious bias and stuck the entire country with watching two mediocre teams whose head coaches' reputations far outweigh their results both trying desperately to lose.