Go against the grain here and say that education is good, and that we should teach all our children what they need to know to make it in today's fast-paced business world. Hold them to a high standard, even. Advocate a strong policy of not leaving them behind. Go on to make the radical statements that teachers are heroes and should be compensated for the job they do. Certainly not everyone will agree with these wild ideas, but someone has to express them.
Take a chance on this one, fellas.
As you've all probably heard by now, I devised a flawless two-pronged plan for victory in Iraq:
1) Find a course
2) Stay the course
We've been hammering away at that second prong for a while now. As soon as we can come up with a way to do the first one, we're golden.
Also, mention that Iran has nuclear weapons a lot. However, when discussing countries, try to make your Ns sound like Qs and your Syrias sound like Iraq. I'll explain why this is important at a later date.
Okay, so Mark Foley tried to pull the old, 'I was drunk, I don't remember,' card. Now, I won't lie, that was a personal favorite of mine back in college and into my early 40s. It didn't work for Mark because he apparently sent sexual emails while he was voting, which would mean he was drinking on the job. Now, unfortunately, people aren't very understanding about drinking on the job. However, anyone who' watched C-SPAN
understand if you were sleeping while Congress was in session. That' why, from this day forward, the GOP is going to employ the sleep walking excuse. Anytime someone says you did something wrong, just say, 'I was probably sleep walking, because the democrats are so boring they put me to sleep.' (See how I turned it around on 'em?) Mention the word sleep a couple more times and then if they ask again, play dead until they walk away.