A Letter From President Bush to Kim Jong-Il
The North Korean missile crisis has dominated the news in recent days. President Bush recently sent a letter to North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-Il condemning his nation' nuclear tests. Most don't realize that such a letter goes through a "presidential proofreader" before being sent. The proofreader checks for grammatical, factual and logical errors and returns the letter to the President. Normally, that draft is never seen again. However, through a stroke of luck, we got our hands on a copy of the original letter written by President Bush to Kim Jong-Il. Below is the first draft of President Bush' letter, with the proofreader' original comments in bold.
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Dear Kim Jong-Il,
What' up, not much. (This is a very confusing greeting. Are you asking him what' up and then answering the question for him? Are you anticipating him wanting to know what' up with you, so you are prematurely answering the question? If that is the case, 'not much' would not be an accurate answer, being as how you're about to discuss a major world crisis. Regardless, this is far too informal of a greeting to send a brutal dictator with whom you are supposed to be angry.)
A bunch of people told me you got a nuclear bomb. That' cool, we got him too

Dear Kim Jong-Il,
What' up, not much. (This is a very confusing greeting. Are you asking him what' up and then answering the question for him? Are you anticipating him wanting to know what' up with you, so you are prematurely answering the question? If that is the case, 'not much' would not be an accurate answer, being as how you're about to discuss a major world crisis. Regardless, this is far too informal of a greeting to send a brutal dictator with whom you are supposed to be angry.)
A bunch of people told me you got a nuclear bomb. That' cool, we got him too

Why do you and South Korea got to be two different nations? Why can't you just be one cool nation? (This sentence has to go. Not only does it completely wander from the theme of the letter, which should be urgent, focused and pressing, it makes it seem as if you have no knowledge of history or politics.)
YOUR COUNTRY IS VERY"¦"¦. WAIT, WHAT'S WRONG? WHY CAN'T THESE CAPITAL LETTERS TURN OFF? AHHHHHHHHH WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHY IS IT DOING THIS? HANG ON, SORRY I GOT TO GET HELP. OKAY SOMEONE'S COMING. JERRY'S GONNA BE DOWN HERE. DO YOU KNOW JERRY? HE'S THAT GUY WHO FIXES COMPUTERS HERE WITH THE GLASSES AND THE MOUSTACHE. HE'S A TOTAL GEEK. HE SHOULD BE HERE SOON. SO HOW YOU DOING? OH, HERE HE COMES. Ah, that' better he fixed it. I think he' mad that he saw that I called him a geek to you, but whatever.
So anyway, stop making bombs filled with nuclear weapons. Did you see what I did to Iraq? I just pretended they had nuclear weapons and look what happened? (no need for a question mark here) I ruined that country for everyone. Could be your country too dude, I'm just saying.
Love, (inappropriate salutation given the situation)
George W. Bush Jr. (You've never referred to yourself as a junior, why are you starting now?)
(Bragging about what is happening in Iraq would be a poor political move. Also, admitting you 'pretended' they had nuclear weapons would create a public uproar. You should also ease off your threat, and lay off on referring to a country' leader as 'dude.')
(While this needs a lot of work, I am happy with the improvement I am seeing. You seem to have a better command of the spell check and I am impressed that you resisted the use of the 'wing dings' font this time. I will work on a new draft and get it back to you.)